Trying to Make it All Work

I went to Oktoberfest here in La Crosse last night. It was fun, and I resisted the urge to drink my points, even though it was craft beer night. Doesn't that sound virtuous?

Oh, did I mention the gyro I ate? Hey, I mean. I did ask the guy to "go light" on the sauce, so that's something, right?

Oh, but did I mention I got some sour-cream-and-onion chips to go with that? Oh, well. It was a small bag, right?

Oh, but did I mention that I decided to get a funnel cake? Hey, I did share it with my friends. Sort of.

Oh, and then one of the new professors was there, so I ate a couple of his cheese curds.

So, yeah. Last night wasn't a series of good choices, eh? I did that whole justification thing the entire night. But justification doesn't burn calories (oh, if only).

My last bit of atonement was to stop at the grocery store on my way home. I'll be out of town this weekend, with friends (i.e., with socializing), so I know it's going to be a series of temptations. I got tons of healthy snacks to take with so that I have more opportunities to make the right decisions. Here's hoping for success.

I'm increasingly aware that the past weeks have been exactly the kind of thing that makes people have to go back to WW after gaining back all the weight. With God as my witness, I will NOT be in that camp!

Take a Deep Breath

My scale indicates I'm up a few pounds. It has indicated this for several days in a row, so I am thinking it's not a fluke. This corresponds to a slight slackening in my attention to detail on my diet. There have been several social events lately and when I was gone for a chunk of the weekend I was not careful at all.

The decision, now, is what to do about it? This is new territory. Do I give it a few more days to see if it's just some kind of body fluke (or my impending period, to offer up a TMI)? Do I start some kind of process to lose the two pounds? How many pounds do I gain before I make it an official loss plan? Is two pounds too few? Am I being paranoid or is losing the two pounds part of the idea of nipping it in the bud?

Furthermore, how do I not let this thought process and fear rule my life and my willingness to be social? I ask because I now find myself frustrated at being invited to go out with friends because I know it will lead to overeating. But that's stupid because I'm ultimately in control...but then we often go places that have a Wisconsin-style healthy menu, which means there often are no healthy choices at all. And then there's the subtle pressure to "just have one," which adds up to two or three. But that's crap, too. I can say no because A) I'm an adult and B) it's not like my friends will hate me or judge me if I say no emphatically enough. So am I using social stuff as an excuse? Am I letting myself lose my own sense of power and control by making social activities a kind of scapegoat?

See what I mean? It's hard! I want to have fun, I want to be social, I want to eat those onion rings. But I don't want to gain my weight back. But I don't want to be so obsessive about my weight that it becomes a burden. But if I slack a little, it will become easy to slack a lot. But if I can't have a little slack, I'm going to go off the deep end.

Argh.

This isn't easy. Even now that I'm used to my new lifestyle, the allure of my old one lingers, nagging and complicated.

A Reward for Good Behavior

Losing weight is a long process, unless you're only trying to lose a few pounds. It's hard work. It's frustrating at times. That's why I turned it into a series of little goals, complete with rewards for each achievement. 

For example, I had a pair of cute brown jeans. I had bought them in Iowa City when I had lost a smidgeon of weight one summer. They were always on the tight side, but I made them work until that fateful last semester of my Ph.D. program when I started the process of packing the pounds back on. By the time I joined WW last fall (11 months ago today!), there was not a chance in the hot and flamey place that I could get them past my knees. So my first goal became to get back into them. Each week, I went to my meeting and weighed in. I came home, and tried on my brown jeans. Each week they didn't fit...but each week they got a little higher up. By the first of December, they were up to my waist but far from zippable. By mid-December, if I swore not to breathe while I wore them, I could walk in them (until I passed out, of course).

And then, by Christmas...I could breathe in them. It took about 17 pounds to get into them, though they were still a little too tight and definitely tighter than they had been when I bought them. I wore them to our Christmas Day celebration as a reminder not to gorge myself. I also went to Christmas with a healthy, fruit-based contribution to the goody tray! Apples with fat-free whipped cream mixed with a packet of fat-free pudding---try it! It's so good (but filled with artificial junk, so keep it in moderation, y'all). By reaching that goal, I got to buy a new piece of clothing (forget now what I chose).

Then my goal was to hit 30-pounds by the time I went to London for spring break. That gave me 2.5 months to lose about 15 pounds. Honestly, that was one of my motivations for buying the Wii. Things were slowing down, and I wasn't sure I could do it without exercise. Once I got started on that, I was down down down again...about 40 by the time I went to London! Reward? Some cute, fitted t-shirts from H&M in London. Fitted? Me? Me wearing fitted clothes?? Yup.

Then I found out I was going to Ireland and I wanted to be to goal by the time I went there. That meant another 15 pounds in three months. Hey, I figured, if I could hit 40 pounds in four months, I could surely do 15 in three months! Well, not so hasty, Dena. Those last 15 were stubborn. I lost regularly, but far less at a time. I kept working hard, though, because I really wanted that goal. Turns out, I didn't quite make it. I was 1.5 pounds shy of goal when I left, but with all the walking I did in Ireland, I hit goal the first week I went back to meetings when I returned.

My reward for hitting goal had been to buy some kick-butt sexy jeans. Price was no object (well...within reason). I wanted hot jeans! I hit goal (and then some) by the end of June and successfully hit Lifetime Member status (six weeks of stability) by early August. But six weeks later, I had not yet rewarded myself with my jeans. Until yesterday!!  I was with a friend who has much better fashion sense than I do, and she took me to The Buckle to find them. I ended up getting two pair (but will likely take one pair back when I decide which ones I like better). They are HOT!  And THREE SIZES SMALLER than I've EVER worn before. That, my friends, is what I call a reward. A cha cha cha. When I wear them out for the first time, I'll take a picture to post.

So basically, then, the message is to provide yourself lots of little mini-goals with lots of fun mini-rewards! Don't wait to be excited till the end. Be excited all the way through your journey to success. Just like when you take a long road trip and use landmarks as markers of progress...give yourself something fun (and non-food based, BTW) to mark your loss progress. Work toward some hot jeans of your own!

Experimenting and Hodge Podging

I just burned my mouth. On delicious, delicious hot chocolate. In Ireland, they have this brand called Options, which is...zero points (40 cal with no fat and 2g fiber) per serving. And it's so good! My friend who was visiting me there loved it as much as I did, and since it was cool over there, even in June, we ended many evenings with a cup. I also started many mornings with a cup!  It's made by Ovaltine, so I thought it might be a simple matter of my not having noticed it in the U.S., but it turns out it they don't sell it here. Rage. I think I'm going to write Ovaltine a letter and demand my Options! Hands up if you'll join me!

Then, thought I'd mention that I spoke too soon. Last night, I went to bed according to routine. Nothing was different from normal. But I couldn't get to sleep. The stress of the following day got to me. I couldn't stop thinking about what I had to do and what I wanted to say in class. So I slept like crap. Dang it.

Going back to my breakfast post from awhile ago, I tried bulgur for breakfast this week. The quinoa idea inspired me. Turns out it's great. I had it with blueberries, honey, and a little almond milk (yogurt would work as well. I was out.). It's hearty like steel-cut oats, but faster. I made four servings one night when I made some for my stirfry. I saved the three remaining servings in plastic containers so I could eat it either at home for breakfast or take it to work for lunch. It was great!

Speaking of stir-fry, I tried something new tonight. I got some of that broccoli slaw that Hungry Girl mentioned several weeks ago, added a bit of chicken (it felt like a meat day) and some green pepper and onion, mixed in some wasabi teriyaki (almost gone!!). Then I turned it into a wrap! I put it in a whole-wheat tortilla, and it was really great, filling, and low points (four, according to my calculations). I paired that with some sweet potato slices that I baked (1.5 pts), and it was just like a restaurant meal only cheaper and far healthier. I only wish I had some of those crunchy noodles to add. I love those.

Since today is the first day of fall, my next big food-based adventure is to get out my crock pot and try some slow-cooker recipes for soups and stuff. I'm excited for that because I hope it will help me solve the lunch problems. Healthy leftovers will help me survive the coming six months of nasty cold weather. I have a WW book for slow cooker recipes, but there's also SkinnyTaste to the rescue with her list of recipes for the crock pot.

I am going to be gone this weekend, but I've been really good about saving up my flex points so I don't have to worry about watching my diet quite so carefully. I still hope to make as many decent choices as I can, though. We'll see!!

Sorry for the mashed up post. I just had a bunch of little things to say that would never warrant a big entry to themselves. Happy (healthy) weekend, everyone!

The Rest is Easy

I can't prove this, but I swear I'm sleeping better since I started eating right. For a long time, I've had trouble falling asleep, and I've periodically had spells of being unable to sleep well once I got to sleep. But (knock wood) it's been months since any of that has happened.

I can't point to any one thing that's made a difference. I don't avoid food before bed particularly. Sometimes I have a bedtime snack, sometimes I don't. I don't particularly avoid caffeine (though I don't drink too much at night). I do go to bed at about the same time every night, but then I've pretty much always done that.

The only non-food thing I can think of is that I've been doing some meditation before bed. Not in a religious/spiritual sense, but I just try to focus on my body and how it feels while I lay in bed rather than on the stressful events of the day (current or next).

But the thing is that this non-food change might also be related to food, in that my thinking seems clearer, my concentration a little more consistent, and my mood has been elevated since I started this process of getting healthy. Are all of these working together to make me a better sleeper? I dunno, but I think so.

I read this article in Fitness magazine that suggests the same. So it would make sense that good sleep is a great side effect of getting healthier. Whatever it is, it's like a little miracle for me that I turn out the light after Colbert and within minutes I'm asleep. When I wake up in the morning (ready to be up most days), I think about what I remember after turning off the light and the answer is usually "nothing." Before, I could point to a long list of things I had thought about/worried about, how many times I turned over and/or checked the clock.

I have a feeling that this whole deal is a complicated series of connections. I feel better and less stressed, so I sleep better. I sleep better so I feel even less stressed. I also feel less stress because I'm more productive during the day than I used to be. I am more productive because I'm eating better, and eating better makes me sleep better. Eating better gives me more energy so I exercise more, which makes me sleep better, which gives me even more energy. Energy makes me more productive during the day. Feeling more productive makes me less stressed so I can sleep better.

Whatever started the cycle of connections/correlations doesn't matter. The result is that all of these changes make my life better, and so I'm motivated to keep up all the stuff that I'm doing to keep the good things going.

Casa del Gorda

There's been chatting today on a friend's FB status about Burger King's new breakfast menu. Turns out the new "Ultimate Platter" breakfast, consisting of pancakes, hash browns, and bacon, is a whopping (whopper?) 1300 calories. All told, I calculated it to 28 WW points. If you need a frame of reference...I get 25 points per day. By contrast, and surprisingly, the KFC double down, consisting of breaded chicken breasts in place of a bun with bacon and cheese in between is "only" 540 calories. That's shockingly low for what I expected, but I still don't plan on indulging anytime soon.

Later on in the day, this article about restaurant options was posted on my news feed. That chicken burrito from Chipotle? Yeah. I used to eat one of those per week (with chips).

This got me reflecting on another major change I had to learn to make, and which I alluded to a few days ago: I used to be a total restaurant junkie. Partly (mostly) because I was lazy. Partly because I liked the taste of the food better than what I made at home. I think it's no exaggeration to say I ate out five or six times per week, and I rarely made decent decisions when doing so...and of course, good decisions are virtually impossible.

One of my first decisions after joining WW was to stop this madness. I couldn't afford it, either monetarily or nutritionally. I poked around the Internet to see how bad my favorites were, and it made me blanch. I was eating a day's worth of calories/pts for every stinking meal I ate in a restaurant. I decided it was a major hurdle that I could take on immediately and feel good about. It also helped me because it made being in WW more affordable if I didn't spend the equivalent in a couple weeks' meals out.

I actually found it surprisingly easy, after the first week or so. When the weight started falling off, I made the connection that restaurant food was probably a major factor in my weight gain. The last major gain started my last semester of grad school when I was on fellowship. I used eating out as an excuse to leave my house since I didn't have class or teaching to get me out. Now, when I stopped that increasingly bad habit, the weight started to shed. It was an obvious link.

By the time New Year's rolled around, about six weeks into my new life, I noticed that A) I didn't miss it, B) when I ate out, I was more likely to feel sick to my stomach and hence C) I started wanting not to go out. That was a crazy realization. It's to the point now where I have to brace myself to go out. I only do it when I'm invited out, and then I work it out to minimize the damage (as I've written about before).

Going along with that, one of my little triggers for losing weight beyond "the photo" was that I was having frequent problems with indigestion and heart burn. To the point where I went to the doctor, with some concern. She offered me pills or a diet change. I chose pills. It helped, but I was extremely annoyed at the prospect of paying for the pills (esp. to the pharmaceutical companies). Once I started WW and quit eating out? You guessed it. I put those pills away. I only need them now when I eat stupidly, and even then I make myself suffer as a reminder of why eating stupidly should be a rare occurrence!

We live in a culture of luxury--one that allows us to frequently let someone else make and serve our food. But that luxury comes cheap only in the financial sense. It's also--literally--a heavy price to pay for our health. I don't regret ending my restaurant habit. If you eat out too much, you might consider cutting back a bit, too! Those pounds will come off as your bank account gets fatter.

Wat(er) Surprise. Or, Look Ma! No Oogies!

Do you know what I just did? Seriously. It's amazing. You'll never guess.

I just drank my fourth big glass of water for the day.

Do you know what else?

I've only had one pop. The whole day. I've only had one pop...the whole day.

I mean. Would you ever have guessed? Me neither.

I grew up drinking lots of pop. My best friend, who lived across the street in the town where I lived till I was 11, loved coming to my house because she got to drink pop. It was a novelty for her and a normal pattern for me. I grew up and kept up the habit. Actually, truth be told, I got a lot worse when I was on my own. Up until mid-spring, I drank five or six cans worth a day. Yup.

I decided early on in the process of losing weight that I had to cut back. I still have no intention of giving it up entirely. I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, and I only drink socially. A little pop isn't going to do that much damage, even if it does nothing for me nutritionally.

As I said in an earlier post, I started the process of cutting back by making myself have one big glass of water in between each can of pop. Before long, I was down to about three cans per day.

I always thought water was boring, while pop was delicious. And still calorie-free since I drank diet. After awhile, though, I noticed that I didn't really mind water. I still preferred pop, but I was content either way. Then I noticed that I actually craved water sometimes. I also noticed that my pee was no longer nuclear yellow...the downside of that being that I had to go a lot more often.

Lastly, I noticed that my stomach and esophagus felt less....oogy. I don't know how to describe that, but it turns out I had a constant feeling of....oogy...that I had learned to ignore until it went away as I decreased my pop intake. After I detoxed a bit, I noticed the feeling coming back on days when I drank too much pop or even just drank it too fast. So I decided to cut from three to two.

Then I decided one to two. And that's where I am now. No more oogy feeling (as long as I sip, not chug). Yesterday I drank way too much of it (along with a not-so-healthy diet). Oogy.  Today, just the one can. No oogy. (Along with a very healthy diet, apart from that banana bread for breakfast...but it's grandma's homemade banana bread so it's mentally and emotionally healthy if not nutritionally so.)

Guess what else (I love games). I have not had a serious zit since I cut back. I have not had oily skin all summer. So that's a bonus I can live with. People have actually commented on my skin looking healthier! That's partly the other healthy things, I imagine, but I think the water has a lot to do with it.

I guess this isn't a radically different post from my earlier one about making slow changes rather than big ones, but I just wanted to point out another reason why the changes are worth it. If it seems too hard to cut out something you love, just think about the potential positive outcomes that can come from the alteration! It's not just losing the weight. It's the hidden oogies that you don't even know you feel. Maybe it's acne, maybe it's dark circles under your eyes. Maybe it's sleep disturbances (of which more later). Who knows. Some ill effect lurks that you may not be aware of, and making a needed change will allow you to discover and eliminate them! Who can argue with the joy of eliminating oogies?