Oopsies. Overcorrection alert.

I've been really back on track this week, watching my points, staying active, eating my fruits and vegetables. It's nice to be back in control of things.

But that's also part of the problem: control. I'm a bit of a control freak. That's part of what's caused the anxiety of late when I've had so many opportunities to be off target. I can't/won't control myself. But now that I'm back in control, I have other kinds of issues to deal with. For example, I have been under eating this week in order to correct for the past few weeks. I haven't let myself eat more than my 25 daily points, even though I exercise, which should allow me to eat at least three more per day. I have felt hungry, but I put up.

But today I surpassed hunger. I was teaching my second section of interpersonal communication this morning and my brain just basically shut down. I was suddenly swimming in jello. It was hard to move, harder to think, impossible to give my lecture. I said, "Wow. I don't think I'm making any sense. I feel off." They laughed and nodded, suggesting that they had noticed it as well. I laughed it off and tried to finish class, but I let them go a little early. The rest of the day I was lethargic, half-dazed and quite grumpy.

It took me awhile to figure out possible connections. I've been getting the regular amount of sleep (which is, granted, not quite enough). I haven't woken up in the night. I haven't done any more strenuous activity than normal. The only difference over the past few weeks (months, actually), is that I am eating noticeably less.

So I guess I have to go back to my original shift in thinking over the past year. I said how I learned to see food as fuel, not as a simple pastime. That goes the other direction, too: food is fuel, not the enemy. I want to be healthy, but I can't equate that with a number on my scale or on the tags of my clothes. I want to be healthy, not skinny.

People tell me I'm an inspiration/role model for weight loss. Be careful your role models.