Temptations and Realizations

Today was an all-day meeting for my job, and of course there were all kinds of sugary snacks available all day long. Not that I mind this, in theory, but it's days like this that make me realize my will power is far from powerful. I purposefully ate a very light and healthy breakfast so that I wouldn't be so hungry and grab a giant pastry. Mission accomplished there: I just had a small piece of fruity coffee cake. I even chose the smallest piece there! Go me!

Then at lunch there was meat or veg lasagna. I was leaning toward veg because I thought it would be healthier, but it was actually that super cheesy, alfredo kind, so I went with meat...there goes me ethical meat policy, sacrificed for my own waistline. Shameful. :)  I had lots of salad with it with fat-free raspberry vinaigrette (virtuous!), and only a little bit of garlic bread. Probably too much, though. Then I had a cookie for dessert. Not a huge one, but a cookie. I decided that would be it because I guessed that to be a total of about 15pts (of my daily 25...not to mention the cake earlier in the day). No matter what was on offer during the afternoon session, I wouldn't partake.

Then I saw that frosted sugar cookie. You know. That big one. With orange sprinkles. "Hmmm," I thought. "That sure does look good. I could take it and just eat half. Yes. That's perfectly acceptable."  So off I went, cookie and (artificially sweetened) Diet Mt. Dew in hand. I left it sit for awhile, thinking I would wait till tea time (3pm is a family standard). But then, boy. It sure started looking good. Did I want to eat my half now? "Well, you know, Dena," I said to myself. "You could just eat a little bit. Spread it out over the afternoon."  Oh, man, am I a rational so-and-so or what? *Nibble*

"Hm. That sure was good. Good thing I am pacing myself. And eating only half."

*Time lapse of five minutes.*

"Oh, one more little bite. I've earned it. Besides. I have to stay awake for the meeting."

*Five minutes*

"Gosh, this half is almost gone. Well, just eat it and be done with your half."

*Two minutes*

"You know, that cookie is going to get really crumbly in your bag. That's going to make a mess. Best just to eat it now with the coffee you just got up to get."

*Schnarf*

Followed by another (artificially sweetened) Diet Coke.

On the upside, I came home and biked for 40 minutes, and ate only a salad and veg for dinner. But wouldn't it just have been easier to behave myself? I'm not going to beat myself up about the calories because I can afford to have a little bit of an over-the-top day now and then, but I am going to have to reflect some more on my ability to make better decisions so I don't start rationalizing bad behavior every stinking time a cookie struts its sexy stuff before me.