Squeeze into the Jeans

Yup. The jeans are a little tighter. Wee! It looks like January will be back to strict discipline and a few weeks of going into actual loss mode till I get back into some sort of balance. And you know what? I'm okay with that.

That feels good. To be confident enough that this week of overindulgence is a temporary splurge and that it doesn't mean doom and gloom. I mean, yes. I should have behaved better. I should have eaten less. Bladdy blah blah blah. I'm going to be okay. Those jeans won't be tight in a month.

I went to Trader Joe's and got some healthy food, including reduced fat gouda and aged white cheddar, (one point per ounce!) some low-cal dips (including red pepper dip....yum), and some fiber cereal that seems to be comparable to Fiber One (but cheaper). So I'm pretty much set and ready to go for a return to a balanced diet. I also got some black bean soup, which I hope will be filling. I had some of that at Panera awhile back, and I loved it. It's high in fiber and has a decent amount of protein, so it should hold off the hunger pangs for awhile.

It's been a great Christmas, and despite my general blahs and gripes, I'm grateful to have had this time to get a grip, enjoy some indulgence, and try to get back to a place where I don't want to withdraw from society anymore.

Well, that was fun!

I let loose the gods of Christmas war. I ate till I hurt. Last night till I almost puked in the car. The good news: it was delicious...all of it.  The gooder news: I have no desire to return to that kind of eating on a regular basis. While allowing myself the overindulgence, I did regular "check-ins" to note how I was feeling, and the answer was nearly always, "not so good, thanks." My stomach hurt, I felt lethargic. It wasn't even guilt--I went on my way guilt-free! It was just a physically rotten reaction. So why would I want to continue that?

I went to bed last night, relieved. Relieved that it was over and that I can now return to reasonable eating behaviors. It's a Christmas miracle.

While gathering healthy food supplies for time at home, I went through the HyVee Health Market. I was looking for a sugar-free jam that I always got in the Iowa City HyVee. Alas, they didn't have it where my parents live. But they did have something called PB2. It's pureed peanut powder with the fat and oil removed, leaving just powder behind. You're supposed to reconstitute it with a 2:1 of powder to water to...well, I had to try that. It's only ONE POINT per tablespoon!

Turns out, the results are a little mixed, which means, of course, that you can file this under "too good to be true." As a peanut butter spread, it's an iffy substitute. It's oddly textured, though it tastes pretty good. I'm going to try a few more times to see if I can make it work better, though.  The better news is that it works great as an addition to other foods! I added it to plain yogurt and cream of wheat, and both had a great peanut butter taste without any of that weird texture issue...or the high points.

Of course, I suppose some of the healthy benefits of peanut butter are probably in the oil, which is what's removed here, so there's that issue as well. But. Sometimes I want peanut butter without tons of calories and this is better than the kinds with all the artificial ingredients, so it's a decent alternative.

I hope you all allowed yourselves some fun over the holidays, and that you're ready for moderation and healthy eating again now that the biggest celebrations are mostly behind us. Except new years. Oops.

Here we go, a-face stuffing...

So it begins. I'm soon off for my holiday family celebrations. This will mean a little reckless eating, but even if I gain a few pounds, I know how to lose weight now! :)  I plan to be as reasonable as I can be while being a little wild, too. Having been on the verge of emotional meltdown the past few weeks means I deserve a little extra joy in my life, and if that means a few more of Mom's candy cane cookies, then so be it.  I'm trying to stay away from dwelling on my recent binges and punishing myself by denying Christmas fun.

One thing I've noticed this holiday season is that my fridge looks really different now right before traveling. Before, I ate mostly processed stuff so I just kept the fridge stocked even when I was going to be away. Now, however, I'm eating so much more fresh food that I have to deplete the stock. This week has been an adventure in inventing things to eat. Making do with pasta and my homemade vinaigrette, buying fruit in very small numbers, relying on frozen vegetables (which is not a problem, really), and not buying my precious, precious yogurt. While it's been a bit of a frustration, it's also a kind of victory. It's a visible, physical reminder of how far I've come and how much healthier I am overall.

I just don't look forward to that first grocery bill after I get back. Eek.

On the food ideas front, one thing I have done lately is to use my creamed honey from Trader Joe's as dip for Special K Multigrain crackers. I love salty-sweet combos, and these two things together work like tasty magic. It's great at night before bedtime, particularly with my peppermint tea. Yum yum yum.

I also made a stirfry the other night with a little ground turkey (I was craving meat for some reason), vegetables (sauteed in olive oil), ground ginger, cilantro, and garam masala. I added a little quinoa for extra texture, and it was the best meal I've made in months. If you don't have any garam masala, get some Right Now. It's amazing, and the meal reminded me of my month in Ireland last summer when my colleague and friend, who is from India, made a similar meal for me. Maybe that's partly why it tasted so good. Memories make everything taste better. (Another reason to enjoy myself this weekend!)

I had a few other things to post about, but I forget what they are. Oh, well. When I remember, I'll just make another post out of it.

Be Careful Little Mouth What You Eat

How's this for fun. I ate about 1/3 of a box of chocolates today. It was delicious.

But.

How does that fit in with being healthy? Not too well. I had been so good about just eating one piece every day and being satisfied with that, but for some reason today was not that day. Part of it was that I told myself this might happen today because I'm exhausted and stressed. But why let myself tell me that? Why not tell myself, "This is not that day any more than yesterday was that day"?  So then, with that quasi-permission to binge in my head, I binged. I justified every one of them. "So what? It's only one more. You knew this was going to happen. Screw it all. Just eat the whole darn box."

Oh, brain. Why must you defeat me?

I also ate most of a bag of popcorn. All right after lunch. Sure it was the lowfat version, but still. Honestly...What was I thinking?

I made up for it somewhat by going to the Y and riding the gerbil bike for awhile, and I had a light, healthy dinner. So, points wise, I'm not that much worse off for the experience, but that doesn't erase the overall problem of self-defeat. That's the big issue. The occasional binge will happen and that's okay (see last week's Christmas parties for proof of that), but the willing disregard for good decision making, and the ease of making that transition, is alarming.

This on top of the fact that I'm totally swinging back into a nasty pop habit and oof. Things are shaky.

I plan to get back on track. I know what I need to do. I just need to be on the lookout for triggers. It's been a long time since I've experienced one of these to this magnitude. I've had little warning bells of this for a few weeks, as I've mentioned on here. But I'm feeling the spiral, and Christmas isn't going to make that any easier!

You put the coconut in the cereal and eat it all up.

The other night, I had a real jonesing for some curry stir fry. I broke out the lite coconut milk to mix with my green curry paste (my favorite). The problem is that even lite is not terribly healthy, so I want to keep my portions reasonable...but the cans are so big!! I hate that because I can't use it all up before it goes bad so I end up wasting a bunch.

But I dutifully put the remaining portion in Tupperware and put it in the fridge. My intention was to look up other recipes that use it so see what I could do. You can't eat curry too many times in a row... Given that it's the end of the semester, though, and some other madness this week (long story), I just haven't taken the time to do that.

But this morning I was going to make more Cream of Wheat (seriously, it's now an obsession). It occurred to me that a little of that coconut milk might be really good in it. I can't replace water for it, but I decided I could use a little milk along with the water. The recipe calls for 1.25 cups water plus 3T of the dry cereal, so I did one cup water and 1/4 cup milk. The results: the cereal was creamier and had a mild extra sweetness. Not overwhelming, but noticeable. It also seemed thicker, but I might be imagining that. I added some pumpkin and cinnamon, too, which was great. Next time, I'll try it with my blueberries to see how that goes. Might also try it with just a little real coconut, too. Lots of possibilities!

So there's a new idea to make something different. Hope you're enjoying a happy and healthy holiday season!! 

Keeping Up with New Ideas

Hey, first off, do want to know what's delicious? Cream of Wheat with a little bit of canned pumpkin and a teaspoon of maple syrup. Happy breakfast for 3pts.  I've become obsessed with Cream of Wheat in general. It takes about five minutes to make, fills me up for a long time, it's warm, it's plain enough that you can make it taste however you want. I'm going to keep exploring.

I also bought some Marzetti dressing that I'm in love with. It's the Simply Dressed kind of Sesame Ginger. They make it in the regular (non-simple?) variety as well, but the regular one has high-fructose corn syrup and more unpronounceable ingredients. The flavor is not too overpowering like ginger can sometimes be, and there's a great combination of sweet and salty tastes.

To play on the sweetness, I used some walnuts that I accidentally bought. Well, I mean, I picked them up on purpose, but I was too careless to notice that I had picked up the "glazed" version, which of course means sugared up. Oops. I decided to keep them anyway and just use them sparingly. I decided that the dressing might complement the sweetness of the dressing, so I added a half ounce to a spinach salad. YUM. It added crunch as well as sweetness. With onions and a little bit of chopped fresh apple, I had an amazing side salad with my lunch for hardly any points.

Lastly, my favorite yogurt (Kalona Superorganics, which used to be called Cultural Revolution) makes a 5% milkfat plain yogurt. I used to avoid it because it was so fatty, but now with the consideration of the high protein and low carbs (this brand has much less sugar than most yogurts) in the PointsPlus system, the high-fat version is still low points! And freaky delicious and rich. I'm totally jazzed about that! I always avoided higher fat yogurts because they are high points, but I prefer them. This is a great combination. I plan to continue using the lower fat versions (such as vanilla 2% milkfat) because I don't want to overdo my fat intake. But it's exciting to know WW puts some value in healthy fats now and then.

Digging for Junk, Finding Gems

Here's another brief blog entry about the new WW system. I am coming to feel better and better about the new system. I was already eating fruits and vegetables, but with the new system, I'm doing so even more, which seems like a very good thing.

There's been more stress in my life, and I've really had to fight the urge to emotion eat. I've managed to keep it at bay, but boy can it be hard. The real benefit of my new lifestyle is that I don't really have anything in my fridge or cupboard that is terrible for me, so even when I'm as far gone down temptation road, I have few options that will truly derail me. And, living in Wisconsin, it's so bare-ass cold out that I'm nowhere near tempted to drive to the grocery store.

For example, the other night I needed something to calm my nerves, and I dug through my cupboards for something. I ended up with a kiwi because it was sweet. I inhaled that bad boy, felt better for having the sweet taste, and ended up stopping the cycle of crazy. The only other option I had was a three-point granola bar, so even that wouldn't have been the end of the world. That's very good motivation to be smart at the grocery store. I have to be very judicious about not allowing myself too many crazy treats because I'm currently not quite trustworthy with them.

The other fun thing is that while I was digging for an emotional feedbag I found a box of Cream of Wheat in the back of the corner cupboard. Mmmmm. Cream of Wheat. I used to eat this with milk and buttered toast. Thinking that over, I realized that was one heck of a high point breakfast. But it was mostly the toast that was so bad! Turns out Cream of Wheat is 3 pts per serving, which is low points for a very filling amount. I have eaten it now two mornings in a row with some blueberries and a teaspoon of maple syrup, both zero points. It is delicious!  I'm definitely going to return this to a place of prominence in my pantry.

Whole Grains

As I said, I've been thinking over the whole "fewer carbs" thing with the new WW points system. A friend recently connected me with a blog called The New Vegetarian. Today, I went to catch up, and I saw this entry on the importance of whole grains over refined ones. Thought I'd pass it along for others.

I think in the coming weeks, I'm going to have to come to a more "refined" (pun intended) understanding of my relationship with grains. I already eat more whole grains than refined ones, but I've definitely cut down on even that this week because of the points issue...I have to be careful not to go overboard!

Adjustments Take Time

I am making the slow adjustment to the new WW points system. I'm frustrated that so many of my favorites are now more points, disproportionate to the increase in my daily points allotment, but I am trying to remember that this is because I used to consume entirely too many carbs. It's better that I be more conscious of that because those calories aren't the best for a staple. Every time I think, "Yeah, but it worked for me..." I remember that *this* will probably work for me, too, once I get used to it. And I'll be eating a better balance of foods, most likely.

Though I'm still very numb and stingy that wine is so ridiculously many more points. Hmph.

There was an article this morning in the New York Times about this. You might need a login to read it, FYI. It basically said women across the country are reeling and mad about it. I would just caution us all that new things are always scary and frustrating, especially in the mix of the holidays. My leader said they rolled it out this time of year so that we'd all be past the angst in time for all the newbies who will arrive with their New Year's Resolutions in tow. That's logical.

Basically, the point is this: I put my trust in WW to lose 60+ pounds, and it worked. I'm willing to put my trust in this new system as well until it's proven wrong. If I gain weight, I'll figure out what to do next. I just don't see that happening.

And as a bonus bit of encouragement, as I write this, I'm surrounded by the fantastic smell of baking apples...a now *free* snack on the new system. I sliced two apples in thin slices using my mandolin slicer, spread them out on a cookie sheet, sprinkled a little cinnamon on them and now they will bake for two hours at 200 degrees. I got the idea from Snack Girl. Like her, I opted out of adding extra sugar. Apples are sweet enough as is. This would have been around two points per apple before, but now it's a crunchy, sweet snack for nothing! I just have to be careful not to eat the whole cookie sheet. Free or not, that's probably not a great idea.

Big Day

So, I guess I now get 35 points.

Weight Watchers began a new diet plan today that ups the number of points we get, and ups the number of points foods are worth. The new plan is great because it factors in carbs, protein, fat, and fiber instead of calories, fat, and fiber. I like the idea of doing a better job accounting for my carb intake, but I do have some work to do to ween myself off of bagel thins and lite English muffins. Those went from 1pt to 3pts.

Tomorrow will be my first opportunity to test the new wine points. Of course, those points went up. Rats!

Day one was successful for me in keeping within my allotted points, but I am still two points shy at 10pm. I'm not hungry, but I have to eat something. I have lots of fruit, but fruit is now free, so that won't help me fill up those points. It's amazing. If this really does lead to weight loss, then I guess I should be happy. More food, less weight?

The only downside I can foresee so far (besides my general anxiety about change) is that it is very difficult to estimate points easily. With the old system, it was easy to figure based on calorie count and fiber, but now there are too many factors, not including calories. I hope before long it will become as second nature to me as the old way, right?

I'd love it if any fellow WW people out there would be willing to let me know what they think of the changes.

Happy Thanksgiving

We're eating out for Thanksgiving this year. Yippee. But at least I've prepared by eating a very low-cal breakfast. That way I can indulge a little more at lunch without screwing things up too much. On the other hand, I saved all my flex points and activity points so that I can go a little over the top!

My food-related thanks list:

1) I am thankful for having enough food so that my burden is overeating and not going hungry.

2) I am thankful that I have learned how to be a healthy eater. More particularly, I'm grateful that I'm learning how to allow some indulgences without returning to a life of 90% indulgence and 10% healthy.

3) I'm grateful that I have learned to love healthy foods that I used to hate.

4) I'm grateful to be 60 pounds lighter and for all the related benefits that brings me.

5) And I'm grateful for my family, who tries to be supportive of my healthy eating decisions and who doesn't try to push bad food on me.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Small Victories

The other night, I spent a few hours as an emotional wreck. Just really freaked out for a variety of unsolvable and overblown reasons. It happens sometimes, right?

I had just got home from an evening of eating and visiting with some friends, and I had really overdone it on the calorie front. That wasn't one of the reasons I was upset, though. I am figuring out how much indulgence I can reasonably work into my life, and this was all within the range.

But when I hit that period of emotional craziness, I of course thought of food. I thought how I might as well just go schnarf down whatever is in the kitchen (which is pretty low on junk as a rule, anyway). I thought it would make me feel better to have something delicious to eat.

Then I said, "No." I thought about my stomach. It felt full from the dinner I had with friends. It didn't want or need more food in it. I thought about my emotions, and whether food would really make my sadness less intense. I knew it wouldn't--it would make it worse, in fact, because I'd feel guilty for behaving foolishly. Even in the midst of bawling my eyes out, I knew. Food would be of no use to me, so why go to it for some kind of false sense of security? Why do that to myself? Don't I deserve better than that?

So I just sat and bawled without food. When I got done crying I felt the same as I would have if I had bawled and eaten. But I didn't have the calories in me to go with it, making things worse.

This is another of my series of little victories. I'm making things work. I'm becoming better at being conscious of my patterns and impulses, and I'm fighting them to be healthy. We all need to be conscious of what we're doing all the time, but most especially when we're feeling unhappy, out of control and vulnerable. Each time we pay attention and combat the bad tendencies, we win. And winning feels good, even when the rest of you feels bad.

Finally...a little home cooking

Of course I still have plenty to do, with grading, laundry, and the like. But it's cold out, cloudy, and there's freezing rain falling. My work can wait for a little time in front of the stove. I've earned the right to cook a little for myself! I had bought some lentils awhile back to make soup, and there was a good sale on canned corn the other day, so I thought I'd do a little Google search for a recipe that called for those two items.

I came up with a corn and lentil soup! One recipe was listed on multiple web sites, so I thought it must be good, and even better, I actually had everything in it already in my cupboards. According to my calculations, it's only 3 points for 1/8th of the batch, though, it's looking more like there could be 10 servings in it. I have yet to measure it all out. If there are ten servings, it's only 2 pts.

It's a meatless soup, but it would be easy and delicious to add some turkey or chicken if you wanted. In fact, I purposefully didn't call it a vegetarian because one of the alterations I made was to use part chicken stock instead of water. The recipe calls for seven cups of water. I did three cups of water and four cups of chicken broth. I feel that will make it more flavorful.

I also used a whole can of corn instead of just one cup (a can is about 2.5 cups) and I used a can of diced tomatoes instead of two fresh ones. I don't keep fresh tomatoes around, typically, and canned was easier. I strained the liquid from the corn but put the whole can of tomatoes in, juice and all. I also had a little bit of spinach in the fridge that needed to be used, so I threw that in as well.

I also added a little of my Trader Joe's Everyday Seasoning to my bowful, just for added flavor. It's not a strongly flavored soup, but I don't like adding too much salt to stuff. Overall, it's a great, healthy soup and very very easy. I spent maybe 10-15 minutes prepping it in total, and then you just have to wait for it to simmer for 25 minutes. I can do other stuff while I wait. Easy!

So there you go. A little winter warmth in no time at all. Best of all is that soup always tastes even better reheated, so I'm stoked to see what the coming days' servings bring!

Best Life Resource

Now that I carefully look over nutrition labels at the grocery store, I've noticed an increasing frequency of the "Best Life" label on various canned and boxed items. I got curious and looked it up the other night after a trip to the store, and I found out it's all part of the Queendom of Oprah. Of course it is.

I admit to a little eyebrow raising on realizing this. I have no significant problem with Oprah, but I always feel like she's just inundating our lives with her Awesome Answeryness. And when it comes to health and food, I can't decide whether she's a great role model (she's struggled with weight just like we have, so she knows what it's like) or less great (she can't seem to keep it off). I do admire her for making herself such a success, but I also get the sense that she Knows She's Successful. All caps.

Anyway. Digression over, I dug a little deeper and found out that Best Life is a subscription diet program by Oprah's Current Favorite, Bob Greene. (See? Everything about her seems to require All Caps. It just happens that way. It's weird. Scary.) It seems like a decent program, encouraging healthy eating and exercise. I don't think an all-online thing would work for me in the social support sense, but more power to people who can make that work.

What I found most useful was a list of the products that have the Best Life label on them. They are all foods that are considered high in various nutrients like fiber, vitamins, minerals and low in nasty saturated fats and sugars. This is a nice, easy way of being sure you're getting something good when you're in a hurry.

However, I have gripes. Of course I do. Some of the products I see on the list are ones I've noticed have hydrogenated oils (i.e., trans fats) in them and chemical ingredient lists. I'm not sure how those are really consistent with a "Best Life." I mean, obviously, I don't 100% avoid those things myself, but it does seem inconsistent to me at a programmatic level. And, honestly, Weight Watchers does the same thing, so I can't claim superiority of my method or anything. But I would like to see a program that's a little more careful about that.

The other gripe is one that has no real fix, but I have my suspicions that there might be a connection of brands on the list and a little under-the-table support for Mr. Bob Greene. I can't prove it, but I'm enough of a cynic to wonder what kind of ties there are. One way around this is to compare other brands at the store to the brands listed as Best Life to see if there's anything different or cheaper that has the same nutritional stats. Barilla pasta makes the list, but that doesn't mean other whole-wheat pastas won't be as good. Same for the soups and yogurts.

In the end, I just thought the label was worth mentioning as a decent shortcut when you're at the store looking for something fairly nutritious. Nothing replaces careful consideration and label reading, but when time doesn't allow, go for quick and easy, right?

A New New Orleans Dinner

As I write, my stove top is cooking Red Beans and Rice. I found it in my cupboard. It's Tony Chechere's brand. I apparently bought it awhile ago and forgot about it. It's a couple months past the "best by" date, but I'm sure it's fine. If I croak, you'll know why. What made me think to cook it, in spite of the fact that it will likely make my current upset stomach worse, is that the nutritional label kind of appealed. Each serving (two per box) contains 150 calories, 1 gram of fat and 5 grams of fiber, which adds up to only 2 pts! With that low a point count, you could add some meat and still have a very reasonable meal! Even without meat, the beans give it a good amount of protein (8 g) on its own, which is how I plan to enjoy it. It would also be good with some bell pepper, onion, or broccoli if you wanted to add an additional healthy punch. In fact. Excuse me while I go add some peppers and onion to the mix.

Tra la la. I also added some fresh mushrooms.

I think I'll save this post and come back to it after I eat it to make sure it's good. Of course, I could have done this whole post after getting done, or edited for past tense. But what fun is that? Isn't this semi-live blogging so much more exciting? Aren't you just all anticipation right now, wondering what I'll write after the taste test? Egads, how can you stand it?

The suspense is over, and the verdict is: delicious. It's a bit too saucy (not in the "oh, you saucy minx" good kind of way). I think next time I will reduce the amount of water. It calls for 2.5 cups, but I'll probably put in 1.75. It's that soupy. However, the taste is fantastic. I'm very glad I added the peppers, onions, and mushrooms. Go Veg!

There are two caveats here. One is salt. It's...not low (830 mg). The other is that, like any packaged food, it's got artificial ingredients aplenty. That means I'll use this as an occasional meal rather than for a frequent solution. But you know what? I'm good most of the time, so I don't feel too guilty enjoying a little simple boxed meal now and then.

We Are Worth It

I'm home from my conference adventure, with good and bad news. The bad news is that the conference was completely, perpetually stocked with food...just, literally, all the time. And I'm a sucker for free food. Well. For free anything, let's be honest.  The good news is that the perpetual stash always contained fresh fruit, lowfat yogurt, nuts and other moderately healthy snacks (along with croissants, sugary cereals and ice cream).

I can report that I made some really healthy decisions--lots of fruit, lots of yogurt, lots of salads. I can also report that I made some really less healthy decisions. Ha! It's hard to say no to a croissant or warm cookie. It's virtually impossible to say no to a free croissant or warm cookie. But in the end, my decisions this time definitely were much better than they would have been one year ago, and so I am counting this as an overall victory. I am still learning to say no, but I'm not refusing to say no. I occasionally wasted time beating myself up for the bad decisions, but I really have to focus on the good things I did. That's what will keep me motivated in the future.

This morning, my scale indicated little damage was inflicted anyway, and I know that part of this is that I exercised every day that I was gone except Saturday. I went to the hotel gym, took a walk with a friend, and then of course we did lots of walking around the Duke and UNC campuses as a bonus. All of this bodes well for the holidays! Moderation and exercise will keep me in check without forcing me to completely deny myself anything.

Before I go back to regular blogging about food ideas and recipes, etc., I wanted to post something else that caught my eye this morning. My college friend, Sara, posted to her blog about her successful weight loss. She's always been thin to me, but I understand her motivation to push for her ideal, and I wanted you all to see it. It just shows that we all are capable of doing whatever we choose, so long as we have the motivation to do it! Sara is a devout Christian, and her faith has been part of her plan, too. That's pretty great. I support using whatever resources you have in your life to make things happen!

We are worth the effort, and we will be rewarded according to the effort we put in!!

Travel Eating

This week, I am going to be traveling a bit, which is always an adventure in healthy eating. What's worse is that this is a conference where meals are often provided, so I'm kind of stuck with whatever they're putting on offer for that. I can control how much of it I eat, but if I don't eat enough I'll be hungry, and then I'm more likely to eat whatever I can get my hands on. So, I've learned to do a bit of strategic planning for these kinds of events. Here are some of the things I've learned to do.

1) They have yet to decide to take away food from our carry-on, so I always have some snacks with me on the plane. I get bored and nervous when I travel, so I like to have a snack to keep me calm and rational. Plus, if you get anything at all on the plane, it's usually junk like cookies that are no good at all for you. Not to mention a total mystery in terms of calories and fat. If I eat what I know, it's all accounted for.

I usually get pre-packaged stuff like granola bars, 100-cal packs of cookies and crackers, some Just Fruit snacks (apples, mostly), little boxes of moderately healthy cereals, maybe an energy bar. I try to make it exciting by having things I don't normally buy (read: expensive stuff) because it makes me feel more excited to fly...I hate to fly. That way I get something healthy but also fun and rewarding.

I try to take enough in my carry-on to last through the flight out, and then I pack extra in my suitcase that I can eat while I'm away and for the return flight.

2) That leads to my second strategy, which is always to have stuff in my conference bag while I'm going to sessions and stuff. I not only have stuff in my bag, but if there's a little grocery nearby I'll go and stock up on some food that is harder to transport in a suitcase for the flight, like real fruit and vegetables. If there's not a fridge in the room, my options are slightly more limited, but I can usually find stuff to get me through. I'll also look for anything unusual that we don't have at home, so I can experiment. Even if it's something a little unhealthy, it's fun to try something new!

If there's no grocery nearby, I just make do with whatever I have in the bag, more carefully rationing for the whole trip.

3) When there's an option, I've recently started choosing a vegetarian meal for anything I'm doing as part of the conference. Usually (not always) that's healthier, though sometimes that means cream sauce. This annoys me, but what can you do? It's a risk that's worth taking. Then when I'm out with friends and have a choice of the menu, I can decide whether I want a meat-based entrée. I'm in better control then, so it's great.

4) I try to walk around a lot, too. Conferences are high on butt-chair intimacy, but I just do what I can to walk walk walk. If that's sneaking out for a bit for a walk around the block, that's great. If it's taking the stairs a bit, better. If it's going to the hotel treadmill, I guess that's okay. :)  Mostly, it's just a matter of doing the best I can without making a big stink about it. It's just that every little bit helps, so why not?

If possible, I also try to get a map of the surrounding area. If I can find a restaurant to walk to with friends, that's a great way to exercise while socializing and finding a fun little hideaway restaurant away from the craziness of the conference hotel.

5) Last, I try not to be too hard on myself. It's likely I'll go over my points. It's likely I will be too tempted by the cupcake place down the road to resist entirely. I'm sure a glass of wine will be just the thing to go with dinner. I'm positive that ice cream place just down at the corner will scream my name. It's okay!! I'm on "vacation." Work vacation, but whatever. I let myself be a little bit indulgent just so I don't feel deprived or that I'm missing some element of the place where I am. If I can be good most of the time, I don't have to worry about the occasional treat. If I come home a pound or two heavier, then I'll just take care of it when I get home! :)

So, there's my pep talk to myself. Dena, be good at this conference. Do your best to stay on track. But be a real person with joy in your life, too, and let a little bit of that joy be found in food. It's okay!  I hope you will do the same!

Boredom boredom, random random

So it turns out that this week has not been the adventure in cooking I had hoped. Surprise surprise. I've been home late every evening for one reason or another, so I end up coming home and just kind of snacking my way through dinner. And dessert (of course). Similarly, this blog entry is more of a collection of snack-sized bits rather than a coherent meal.

But then, you know. What's wrong with snacks (or random blog entries) so long as they're healthy?  Nothing, really, but guess what? I'm eating mostly the same, boring snacks, too! I guess that's what happens at midterm. I get bogged down in routine, in chaos (which is my routine), and in being too tired to put in the effort. Being too tired to want to stop at the grocery to get whatever it is I need to make something better.

The only real risk...really...is that I could probably end up snacking myself back into being unhealthy. I'm so far keeping it all tracked...keeping it mostly tracked...but. But. But. The risk is there that I could slip, particularly given the high percentage of sweets I've consumed. The holidays will be a danger zone!  I definitely find myself hungrier these days along with a higher point count too early in the day. So, yeah. The snacky patterns have to change, even though my schedule won't!

What am I?

I did buy a new kind of squash the other day, so at least I'm following my "new food of the week" rule. I actually have no idea what kind it is. I'm attaching a pic, in the hopes that someone can help me. That way I'll know what to do with it. I suppose regardless of type, there's the old, boring, predictable "bake it with butter and brown sugar" gambit. Given the theme of the thread, perhaps that is its fate anyway!

I also got a blog idea I wanted to point out. On the Blogs list to the right there, you'll see Debi and Terri's Recipes, which is a blog recommended to me by a friend who's in WW. The blog is written by two WW leaders, and the recipes look amazing. Pretty natural, too. Not too filled with artificial junk.

A friend very kindly gave me a tin of cookies that you must try! Pepperidge Farm makes petite Pirouettes, which we called "cigarettes" when I ate them in Lyon, France in 1998. The link you see there takes you to the regular size because I can't find an official bit of info about the petite ones, but if you buy the little ones you can have two of them for 60 calories (1pt)! Very satisfying. I have the chocolate hazelnut kind. 

I do have a few more simple recipes I've come across in the past few days. I plan to make a series of recipe entries in the coming days that will help me as much as anyone else. If you have some to share, let me know.

Mambo Italiano

I like food. I like food from many different countries. I like food especially from Italy. Oh, how original. How very exotic of me to like things involving carbs, cheese, and tomatoes.

The problem is that Italian food can be quite overwhelming in the calorie department, at least in its American versions. I have a feeling actual Italians might do things a little healthier, given that I saw mostly quite svelte folks in my two weeks bumming around the place six years ago. I've recently stumbled across a lot of great, healthier ways to do Italian, though, so I thought I'd mention them all in one blog entry.

1) Of course, quite simply, I've mentioned the Flat Out bread pizzas, using those delicious breads for thin-crust pizza. And I've mentioned multiple times about whole-wheat pasta, which I've grown completely accustomed to. I don't even notice a difference, so long as I watch the cooking time a little more carefully than regular. So those are good go-to's.

2) This afternoon, I decided I wanted a flat-out pizza and was out of sauce. I rode my bike (go me!) to the grocery to get some (along with some peppers and onion--staples!). As I looked over my options, I was thinking about how frustrating it is that I never get through a whole jar before it goes bad on me. I considered some of the smaller can options, which are noticeably more expensive. I was looking over ingredient lists as I pondered and noticed that they all have high-fructose corn syrup and other artificial ingredients, so then I got really irked. I looked to my left and saw tomato paste, and found a brand (Contadina) that is "just tomatoes." No extra anything! Well, I thought. Maybe my solution is a small can of tomato paste that I can definitely use before it goes bad--then I can add whatever I want to make it more pizza-sauce-like.

I took a can home, added two cloves of garlic, some Italian seasoning, some oregano, and a little tiny splash of chicken broth to soften it up a bit (you could use olive oil, too). I just ate the pizza using this sauce, and it was fantastic. The tomato paste with seasoning is so much richer and more flavorful than the canned sauce! I love the thickness, too. I used half the can's worth of tomato, so I'll have more for another one later on if I want. Best of all, there's nothing gross added to the sauce--basically a totally natural, preservative-free food! Score!!

2) I also found this recipe for lasagna cupcakes on Hungry Girl. I'm really excited to try this because it sounds simple, delicious, and fun. You could mess around with ingredients a bit, using pasta sauce from the jar (several good brands are relatively natural and without added sugar) instead of the rigamarole she does. I would also use a real egg (or egg white only) instead of Egg Beaters because I just don't dig the Egg Beaters phenomenon. I would also probably go without the meat, personally, but it would be good either way. I'd just add extra peppers or something. But the premise, in whatever form, sounds great. I'm definitely going to try this soon.

3) Then I was flipping through an issue of Prevention magazine and saw this for eggplant parmesan. I posted earlier this summer, I believe, about the ratatouille I made for friends this summer. That was my first experience in cooking with eggplant, and it was wonderful. It's easy to cut, easy to cook, and tasted much better than I would ever have thought in my pre-healthy days. The linked recipe here is a high priority for me to try. I might be a wimp and just use pasta sauce instead of all the work, though. I would also probably halve the recipe so I'm not eating it for a week. But this is definitely a way to eat healthy Italian with lots of healthy vegetables! You could definitely also add meat to this if you wanted.

4) Then, of course, there's the pumpkin gnocchi recipe I mentioned last time that a friend recommended to me. I think that sounds amazing. Gnocchi is something I hadn't even heard of till I went to Italy. After having it for the first time, I was outraged that I had gone 27 years without it. :) I've only tried making it a couple of times here at home, with marginal success, but I'm game to try again!

Going with that is pumpkin pasta bake, which I'm definitely going to try.

My only real problem with these is that I'm so often not home till after 7pm, and then I'm too lazy to cook anything elaborate. I've decided that this madness stops this week. I am going to make a concentrated effort to work on making good, elaborate meals at least two nights this week!! Then I can eat off those for lunch, too. I can definitely make that work on Monday night and Thursday night. For Tuesday and Wednesday, we'll have to wait and see what happens.

Randomness

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Holidays don't have to be hellidays...or unhealthidays. Hardy har har.

Of course, when you're trying to be healthy, Halloween is a nightmare. Not just because it's a day filled with candy, but because it's the beginning of two long months of delicious and terrible food. As you see, I'm on the anniversary of my weight loss efforts, and that also means I started losing weight in the midst of all these dangerous days and weeks. That just means it's possible to stay healthy in the midst of the fat and sugar. Here are some things I did last year to make myself stay on track:

1) Potluck isn't about luck. It's about strategy. So many of the Halloween and other holiday parties I go to are of the variety where everyone brings something to share. Even my family Thanksgiving and Christmases work that way. So that meant I have some control of the day in terms of options. I was very sure that I picked things to take that I could eat plenty of without going over my points. Given that I was new to everything, I often chose something simple. For multiple events, I combined fat-free Cool Whip and a packet of sugar-free cheesecake pudding, and served it as an apple dip!  The dip was only one point for a decent-sized serving, and it was sweet and delicious.

I also frequently took some vegetables with greek yogurt vegetable dip (combine a medium sized fat-free Greek yogurt with a splash of milk to soften it up and a packet of spinach veg dip). Now that I'm more used to things, I also add some fresh spinach to that to make it healthier.

Now I often take my black bean brownies, which are always a hit and allow me to snack on what seems like junk but isn't. 

2) Reconnaissance. Of course, my contribution is only one of many items to select from, and my willpower is not always what it ought to be. Alas! I've whined on here about my bad behaviors and over indulgences. But when I'm being good, and sensible, I still don't deny myself the candy and cookies, cheese and crackers, breads and oils...and wine. I just try to work on filling in with as many healthy options as I can, and then consider which of the nasty things I most want. I used to be more rigorous in the early days: I got two bad items the whole party. That was probably for the best, but I'm nowhere near that hard on myself now (perhaps to my detriment). But I do try to make a really thorough scan of the spread and figure out how I can incorporate a few of the unhealthy items without going completely bonkers. If I go into the plate-filling with a bit of a strategy instead of a blind lock and load, I find that I'm more likely to make better choices. Conscious eating is the key, which leads to the next thing:

4) Grazing is for cows. Oh, those nights when I'm worst. When I come home and feel terrible (both from overstuffing and guilt), the common denominator is that I've spent the evening sitting with the food. If it's sitting right there in arm reach, I'm going to inhale. I'm going to lose track of how much I ate, and then do that justification thing (e.g., "It can't have been that much...just one more and then I'll be done..."). I've noticed a strong gender pattern here, too. Women sit in the kitchen around the food. Men sit in the living room away from the food. Guess who eats more? Guess which sex has a harder time losing weight? Does this make any sense whatsoever?  Whenever possible, I do my best to sit away from the food table so that I end up in fun conversation with people and don't grab food without being conscious about it. If I have to walk to it, I won't go get it. Usually. :)

5) Dayplanner. I've mentioned this before, so I won't belabor the point, but when I know there's a party at night, I'm sure to eat low-cal and healthy food all day so that I can overindulge at night without going over my daily calorie total quiiiiiite as much as I might have. I also make sure I exercise a little extra to help balance things out. A little pre-planning and strategizing is a big help for these big holiday events. I also try to be good on either side of the big day.

6) Weighing It Out. Another way to be conscious about overindulgence is to think about the costs and rewards. Multiple times last year, and still sometimes, I have to go through the whole process of thinking about whether the delicious taste of the Halloween or Christmas candy is worth the points/calories. I have to remind myself that each "fun-sized" candy bar (evil term, that one) is two points. For two points I could eat two whole apples, a cup of yogurt, Laughing Cow and Ryvita crackers, or any number of things that will actually leave me feeling full. For two points of candy, I am getting a very very short amount of satisfaction and no health gains whatsoever. Given all of that, is it still worth it to me to eat this?  Frankly, sometimes the answer is YES!  But often I realize that it's not. I'd rather be full than hungry. Full is a great feeling, and I'm lucky enough to have that pleasure. But feeling full on candy is going to mean eating a day's worth of fat/calories in no time at all.

And then, if I say YES, it's worth it, I have to account for it in my food diary and I have to adjust my meal plan to make it work! That's okay. It might just mean having a light dinner, and I've got strategies for making the most of few points for dinner. I can do that. Of course, if I eat three or four pieces of candy, then I know I'm up a crick. :)  That's just more justification for eating one and running away. Which is why I never have it around my house, too, which leads to:

7) Buy Halloween candy at the last minute. Don't have it laying around so you can say, "Well. I'll just open it and have one. Then I'll save the rest for the kids." Nice try, lady. I still haven't bought mine for this year. And won't till I absolutely have to.

8) Be kind. Lastly, I'm nice to myself as often as I can be. It's easy to feel like a failure when you eat that third or fourth "fun-sized" candy bar or box of Milk Duds. Yeah, it sucks, but don't turn that into a "screw it all" binge. Just get back on the horse and ride on. Remind yourself that at least you're aware now of how dumb it was so you can hope for better in the future. Remind yourself that you're not a failure. Life goes on. There are lots of days ahead for you to be good. Take those days and make the most of them.

If more holiday stuff pops up, I'll pass it on!

UPDATE: I'm passing it on. Check out this link from WW and Hungry Girl for the best of the worst Halloween treats: http://www.weightwatchers.com/util/art/index_art.aspx?tabnum=1&art_id=61241&sc=3030

Schmaltzy stuff. Mmmmm. Malts. No! Be healthy, Huisman!

Okay, so today was the one-year mark of my WW journey. I went to the 52nd week of meetings, having really only missed maybe a half-dozen or so meetings in that entire time. I like going because I often get clever ideas and product tips.

Tonight we talked about what motivates us to lose weight and keep it off. The whole conversation revolved around inner motivation, the goals we set for ourselves, and our accountability to ourselves for successes or momentary failures. That's all well and good, but I kept thinking about how actually one-sided this is. My motivation is self-directed and self-driven, to an extent, but more important to me is the motivation I get from others. Here are a few ways this happens, along with ways to incorporate them into your daily life.

1) Compliments and words of encouragement. The people in my life have been so supportive and excited for me, and that has made it so much easier to stay on track. Sometimes I get a little uncomfortable because I don't take compliments well. I always assure people that they're entirely wrong about me--I'm simply a bundle of errors who occasionally gets lucky. But, really, overall I am grateful and flattered that people take the time to compliment me and tell me how proud they are of me.

On the flip side, I've noticed at meetings a few times, people can be subtly vicious, probably unintentionally. I gained a bit a few weeks back. I wanted to downplay it because it isn't that big a deal, and I know people in that room have much bigger problems than my piddly little gain. Two ladies in front of me, with whom I regularly visit, asked how I had done. I told them and said I wasn't sure what happened but it was no big deal. Trying to be nice! Their response was to say (snidely), "Oh, sure. She doesn't want to talk about when she gains!" As if I somehow walk around and gloat on the weeks I lose! I never ever do that!  Ugh. It was so disheartening and I wanted to cry. I was frustrated to have gained--why did they want to make me feel worse??

So my advice is to find people whom you can compliment and who can compliment you in return! Tell people how great they are, and listen to people when they tell you how great you are. Use those moments of happiness to propel you forward. There is infinite demand for self-confidence boosters, and even better, we each have an infinite supply of compliments in our brains. Use them generously, and you'll get them back! But then, also watch out for the infinite supply of cutting remarks we also have in our brains. Keep those inside because you risk getting those back, too.

2) Advice. This kind of goes with the above, but those of you who have asked me for advice have no idea what that's done to help me stay motivated. Knowing there are people out there who want to be healthier like me makes me want to stay healthy so I can help them do the same. Now if I slip, I'll be disappointing myself as well as a group of friends. This blog alone helps me focus, think, and be more creative. I often find myself thinking about what I can experiment with so I can post about it!

On the flip side, having people I can talk to for advice has been vital, too. My WW leader is one of the greatest people in the world. She's supportive and offers practical support and advice. She has recipe ideas as well as for different activity strategies. She's never pushy, but always available for whatever we need. I also have friends who have kept me motivated by helping me find great websites, recipes, and nutrition tips to keep me going. Some of you are those friends, so thank you! You make my new lifestyle easier!

The community support aspect of all of this cannot be overstated. I'm grateful to you for reading my blog, but I hope you can find people in your area on whom you can rely as well. Find people in your town, at work, at church who will offer advice and take advice you have. There's something about friendly, supportive, non-judgmental advice that really serves as a sort of adrenaline or something. It's just fun and exciting! Make good health ideas part of your regular conversation!

3) Socializing healthy. Along with the compliments I have been so lucky to receive, my friends and family are so great about helping me through social events. While there are always still tons of dangerous, unhealthy snacks at all social events, it's amazing how often hosts/hostesses say, "Dena, I got/made [healthy item] for you!" Popcorn, baked chips, healthy vegetables and dips, fruit, you name it. I always tell people not to go out of their way just for me because I have to learn to control myself, but it's energizing and gratifying to see people try to help me! Similarly, people are always so sweet when I bring healthy things. They are always willing to try what I bring and often rave about the results. They also humor me when I'm constantly talking about how my items are XX points.

My family has grown accustomed to asking what restaurant I would like to go to that has healthy options for me. I try to be gracious and choose places that they like because most places have something decent for me, but being asked is such a show of support and such an important helper. 

However, now that I'm at my goal, I'm starting to hear, "Oh, but you're thin now! You can have that!" Uh, no I can't. Or else I won't be thin anymore. Then I get told I'm being too paranoid. Uh, no I'm not. I was overweight when I ate like that, I'll be overweight if I eat like that again. That's not paranoid, that's realistic.

So the goal for you here is to always be conscious of the healthy decisions of your friends when sharing food or having food shared with you. A positive and helpful attitude on both ends will make healthy decisions that much easier! If people teased me more about my healthy choices and potluck items, I would feel ashamed and embarrassed to bring them. But because my friends are supportive, I'm excited to. Be supportive of people who want to make healthy choices, and insist on being supported in your own!

I have more, but I have to get back to grading...and you know what? I am going to have a Skinny Cow. Because I'm worth it. :)

My First Anniversary

A year ago today, I drove from home to Iowa City. I got up before dawn to be there by lunch time so I would have more time to spend with friends. I grabbed a donut for breakfast on the way down. When I got to Iowa City, I went to the Hamburg Inn for lunch and had a big old plate of eggs, meat, and cheese.  Then we spent the afternoon having coffee and snacks. Then I went to dinner at a fantastic local restaurant where I ate more more more and had some sangria to wash it all down. During the course of the day and evening, photos were taken. Smiling pictures of me with some of my wonderful friends. I remember I had a decent hair night, which was unusual. I hoped that would make the photos less terrifying.

The next day, I had a big breakfast at IHOP before heading for home. On the way back, I stopped for a snack and then had Subway for dinner after I got home (not with Baked Lays, obviously. Only the fatty kind would do!!). After dinner, I uploaded the photos I had taken with my new camera.

And that's when I bawled.  I had gained so much weight! I had noticed being heavier, of course, but I had not noticed how much heavier! I mean, I'd always been overweight, and my body is such that I can hide it easier than smaller folks can, so it didn't really seem like it was that much. I never weighed myself so I had no concept of what was happening.

After I stopped crying, I decided I was done. I just got mad and decided I wasn't going to take this lying down. I wasn't going to continue down the path toward ever-increasing weight. I was stopping it. Of course, I simultaneously reminded myself that I was naïve to think anything I tried would work. But there I was the very next night at my first WW meeting with one of my work friends. October 26, 2009. Sixty pounds later, here I am one year later.

As I sit home today, making good food choices all day long, I have been reflecting on that day one year ago when all my decisions were so very contrary to today. I remember the fleeting thoughts of, "I should probably make a better decision here." But I also remember the following thoughts, "Whatever. It can't be that bad, and besides, you've earned a little treat." Then I remember the moments of guilt and self-loathing for my bad decisions--only that's one that hasn't completely gone away! It's just that I less often feel them because I less often have reasons to feel guilty.

It's been the best year of my life in lots of ways, including travel and family stuff as well as weight loss. I have every intention of continuing my life according to this new lifestyle. I have no desire to go back, and I have every desire to be a healthy and happy person who feels good and looks good.

I know I kind of told the story of how I started this, but I thought it bore repeating on the anniversary of The Beginning. I hope that you'll consider your own Beginning if you haven't already. If my life can alter this much, I have absolutely no doubt that yours can, too. If you're in your Middle Stage of the quest for health, I wish you ongoing great luck. It's a battle worth continuing.

Here's to your Anniversary!

My Little Buttercup...cake

Titling my entry from a Three Amigos quote. The mark of a good entry for sure.

Tonight I had a meeting for one of my student groups. We brought cupcakes for our snack, and I absolutely, thoroughly enjoyed it, thick frosting and all. Funnily enough, though, it's all part of a crazy week of cupcake topics. They keep coming up in conversation...and not by me!  So while I ate my cupcake tonight, I knew...I knew I was destined to blog about the classic cake in a cup.

The first way that they came up was in discussion with a new friend on campus. We were talking about healthy ways to enjoy snacks, and she mentioned a piece on NPR about healthier versions of fancy cupcakes. The linked print version of the story has recipes for some great, flavorful-sounding cakes. I'm thinking of starting with the espresso and orange ones, but there are lots in there that sound darn near irresistable. I'm also fascinated by the garbanzo bean idea (in the red velvet recipe), which goes nicely with my black bean version of brownies. Several of these have bananas, apples, and oranges in their ingredients as well, so it's a way of adding in some vitamins to your snack. Sign me up.

Then, another friend mentioned that she had heard about diet soda cupcakes, where you mix a cake mix with any kind of diet soda in place of the wet ingredients (similar to the black bean idea). You could do a vanilla cake with diet orange soda, or lemon-lime soda. My cousin's wife had mentioned this idea for cake over the weekend, and then the other friend mentioned doing this in cupcake form. It's like the universe just knows I need more sweets in my life. Thanks, universe!  This one is probably best to avoid if you're looking to get away from those chemicals and artificial sweeteners. I am, definitely, but I'm not 100% adamant about it or anything.

This is only tangentially related, but while I'm on the topic of sweets, I'll mention it. I was at my WW meeting on Monday night, and there's a recipe posted with the oatmeal packages on sale that I'm going to try with other kinds of packaged oatmeal that are less expensive. I have some Kashi vanilla oatmeal that will work fine. The WW recipe says to take the oatmeal pack, add a teaspoon of baking powder and just enough water till the mix is the consistency of cookie dough. Flatten on a cookie sheet and bake at 375 for about 10 minutes. Oatmeal cookie for two points!  You could add some raisins, too, I bet. I need to buy some baking powder next time I am out, and then I'll try it. Report forthcoming.

I've been really really spot-on with my target calories this week. I'm stoked about that! Hope you're all having an equally strong week.

A Little Trial and Success

In my ongoing efforts to keep things interesting around my kitchen, I like to find little combos of my staple foods that make for new and interesting tastes. It's better to try new things outright in order to avoid ruts and to explore new foods that are chockablock full of nutrients and stuff. But let's face it: that gets exhausting. So here are a couple of things I've mixed together to make me happy. You'll notice that most of them involve sweet things. My downfall, I admit.

1) Black bean brownies have become a regular feature of life for me, along with No Pudge Fudge brownies. Both kinds are two points a serving. Black bean brownies are smaller servings for 2pts, but they are thicker and richer. No Pudges are lighter and cakier. It depends on what I'm craving. Anyway, there are two great things I've done with the black bean ones. First, I added a tablespoon of natural peanut butter (just pureed peanuts without added sugar, oil, and junk). Spread it on top like frosting, and you have a little extra protein and a flavor like Reece's peanut butter cups. It's a heck of a lot healthier than the candy, but equally delicious, if not more so!

Second, last night I crumbled up a brownie in my vanilla yogurt (Cultural Revolution brand, which as you might remember has far less sugar than most brands). I also added some frozen raspberries and a little Fiber One cereal for crunch. Hooooooooooly crap. It was like eating a decadent dessert from Dairy Queen, I swear!  You have to have to have to try this. We're talking about 3 points here, people, for chocolatey, creamy, fruity noshing!

2) Going along with the brownie thing. While on the No Pudge Fudge site just now, I noticed they have a page of recipes using the boxed mix. I am drooling at some of them and will be giving them a shot soon.

3) I've also taken to using honey for apple dip as a healthier alternative to caramel. Honey has such an intense and sweet flavor that you need far less than caramel for taste and you have the added bonus of honey not being overladen with chemicals and processed ingredients. You could also sprinkle a little cinnamon in it to make it even better! I've been using my Trader Joe's creamed honey, but regular honey would work just as well. The only difference might be increased drippiness. Creamed honey is thicker, more like the caramel.

4) I bought some celery the other day, which I haven't done in eons. I just find it so bland. The first few stalks I used peanut butter, but then I decided to try putting some Laughing Cow cheese with it instead. I used the herb & garlic flavor, and it was quite good. Really helped make the celery a lot more interesting for only 1pt (35 cals). I have some Laughing Cow blue cheese left (I don't particularly recommend it, but it was worth a try, and it's not inedible or anything), so I'm going to try that next. I think it might go okay with celery. I already use Laughing Cow for carrot and brocolli "dip," so this just made sense, and it worked!

5) This one isn't a combo thing, really, but a prediction of future combos. I finally baked my butternut squash. I followed Hungry Girl's preparation strategy and it worked like a charm! Peeling it was a a lifesaver. I baked it in little cubes, and then puréed it with some organic chicken stock and a little milk, and it made a nice thick soup that tastes great. I put them in individual serving size containers and will experiment with different additions, such as mushrooms, some cilantro, some peppers and onion, maybe a little garam masala. After I made it, I wondered how it would be with a little coconut milk instead of regular milk. I might make a little that way, which will only thin out the soup a little, but might be delish. Have any ideas that might inspire me?

6) Also only marginally a combo thing, I wanted to tell you that I tried the Flat-Out bread pizza that I mentioned a few days back. I had ground chicken (cooked up in a skillet with some Italian seasoning and a clove of garlic), mushrooms, green and yellow peppers, and onion. It. Was. Amazing. About 8 points total, and totally worth it. I made a second one, and I learned a valuable lesson that time: take seriously the recommendation to bake the crust a full five minutes before adding ingredients on top. I got impatient and loaded it up after only a couple minutes in the oven, and the crust got all soggy. Oops.

Health and Healthy Eating

I'm starting to put things together in a meaningful way. I think I'm being healthy, but I wonder if I'm really eating well. Some things are starting to add up to some potentially problematic conclusions.

1) Prepare yourselves for a TMI. I'm one of those people who is very consistent with their periods, almost always within a day of my prediction: every 27-29 days. Occasionally, things will be thrown off, but it's rare. But now I'm 2.5 weeks beyond that window without a trace, and no...it's not that. Trust me. It's kind of wigging me out, not because I enjoy having my period but because it's so out of the norm for me. I can't help but wonder if there's a connection to my diet. Not enough meat/iron? Not enough fat? What?

2) Sort of potentially related (maybe?) is that I'm retaining water. Not crazy huge amounts, but noticeable both on the scale and on my body. My socks typically don't leave a line from pressure, particularly now now that my legs are thinner, but they are now. It's just a slight squishy feeling around and just above my ankle that seems odd. I also feel like maybe its a little in my lower abdomen. My scale does a very rough estimate of water weight, and that number has been about 3-5% higher than normal (varying day by day). I pee normally (i.e., a lot), so it's not that I'm not going enough.

3) I'm often sluggish lately. Not exhausted, but sluggish. I'm not thinking clearly and I get tired easily. It's not that I'm unable to function, but just have a feeling of exhaustion that I'm not used to anymore since I lost weight. I'm also working a lot lately, so there's that to factor in on this one. Is this more work stress than health?

4) I'm freezing cold almost all the time. Some of this is to be expected now that I have less fat to work as insulation, but at the same time, you'd think my body would have caught up a little bit by now. Yesterday it was 70 degrees outside, but I needed my sweatshirt and to stand in the sun to stay warm. It's to the point where it's so typical that when I feel warm enough it's a notable experience. I get all excited about it. My showers have got longer and longer because it's the one time I'm guaranteed to be warm and because I know getting out is going to suck to be in the cold...especially till I can get dressed again. I have a feeling my heating bills will suck this year.

5) Lastly, I've been having tons of headrushes for the past few months. More than half the time when I stand up, I have at least a mild one where I kind of do that dizzy, black-out thing for a few seconds. I've always had that occasionally, but never to this extent.

So, how much of this is coincidence? How much is simply being stressed out through work? When do I decide this is doctor worthy? How do I balance my tendency toward hypochondria and simple patience to see how things go? Am I making myself unhealthy in my ongoing attempts to be healthy? How can I know?

Tomorrow, I'll go back to more useful stuff for anyone other than myself, but I wanted to get this down to see if anyone has input for me, and to see if anyone else has experienced anything like this with current/past weight loss.

Squash Cooking Alert!

Oh, man, oh man. What would I do without the Internet? I was looking at my yahoo mail, and saw that one of this week's question of the day on HungryGirl.com is about how to chop butternut squash more easily. I hate cutting spaghetti squash in half, so every time I look at the butternut squash on my counter, I sigh a little sigh. But with these squash chopping tips from HungryGirl, I can do it lickety split. (Hardy har har--get it? Split? Like I'll split the squash in half? Okay, fine. It's not that funny.) Unfortunately, the lunch tips she offers at the top of the post aren't very inspiring...but keep scrolling down for the good stuff.

You might notice that she also mentions butternut squash fries. I am soooo trying those. I love anything that reminds me of fries but aren't filled with calories. I've been sticking with my sweet potato fries/medallions for awhile, but it might be time for a change.

If you're not already following Snack Girl, you should. This morning she has a list of links she uses to stay healthy and inspired. They look pretty interesting, so I thought I'd pass those on. Yesterday, she had a great looking (and simple) recipe for banana pudding--might be a new breakfast idea.

Speaking of breakfast, I'm trying to focus on having more protein-friendly breakfasts to stay full longer. I have had a tendency to have whole grain dominant meals in the morning (bagel thin, cereal, oatmeal). Now, steel-cut oats have a fair amount of protein, but I wonder if it's not enough. I've tried eggs and yogurt so far, and I find I really am fuller longer, so I'm going to keep trying to have some very protein-rich items in each breakfast to make sure it's not a placebo effect. Any ideas to inspire me? Help!

Lastly, and speaking of steel-cut oats, I wanted to let you know that I tried adding maple syrup to my oatmeal and blueberries to see if it was like blueberry pancakes. I had some leftover bulgur, so I used that instead of oats, but otherwise it was the same--and it was delicious! I added a tablespoon, which I actually found to be a little too much, so with the last bit of bulgur that I had leftover, I tried it again the next day with a teaspoon. That was more to my liking--and half the calories, so a win-win. Pure maple syrup is still a calorie-dense, sugary mess, but it's better than adding straight sugar or artificial sweeteners, right? And it's also just a nice change of pace from normal sweetener flavors.

Bad Week, Good Eats

Oh, boy. Another round of self-doubt and self-loathing. Yippee!!  But I'm really working hard on staying with the positives, not surrendering to the bad feelings, which will get me nowhere anyway, right? All that gets me is more bad feelings. So here I am, blogging about some of the health/food positives in my life. Because being healthy is something I ultimately control, even if I'm not always very good at controlling it.

The good news about this whacky week is that I've been on point target so far. I ate a few extra points on Monday, but otherwise, I'm right where I need to be. This is a great feeling. Tomorrow is my first book club meeting, where I know there will be wine and probably unhealthy food. I'm going to eat well all day, so I only go over target by a moderate amount. But I am going to be both restrained and forgiving. I can do it!

I mentioned in my last entry that a friend had some good ideas she's learned about. The idea is: PIZZA. We all go crazy for pizza, but it's so stinking unhealthy. I do my tortilla and English muffin kinds, but here's another one that sounds even better, quoted/paraphrased from my friend's note:

I take a Flat Out (Italian flavor) bread, and put it on a baking sheet. Bake it at 350 degrees for 5 minutes. Take it out and let it cool slightly. Add your pizza sauce. I used turkey sausage that is low in fat and Canadian bacon and the veggies that I like and 1/4 cup low-fat mozzarella. Return to oven for about 10 minutes. It averages about 5 to 7 points for the whole thing.

Amazing! The crust is two points (130 cals, with 3g fiber), the mozarella is 1.5 points, the sauce is 1 point per serving. That's 4.5 points. I would probably add mushrooms, peppers, and onions only (zero points), but I do love Canadian bacon, too, or maybe some ground chicken (2-3 points). No matter how you shake it, that is a lot of pizza for very few points! You could even make it into a kind of calzone, I bet.

My friend also recommends a lot of other recipes with the Flat Out bread. She used the original flavor bread and did the same with bbq sauce, canned chicken, red onion and low fat cheddar cheese.

I was at the co-op tonight and bought some Imagine Bistro corn chipotle bisque. It was amazing. A serving (1 cup) is 2 points. I found 3/4 cup to be plenty as a side dish, which was 1.5 points. 

I would love to have any of you let me know the great ideas you come up with, too. The more ideas the better. We all want to enjoy the great things you're enjoying.

Keep on Trying

According to the WW scales, I'm up another pound, even though I'm back down to normal according to my scale at home. Hmph. My regular leader wasn't there, and the substitute lady was not particularly helpful, so I'll just see what happens next week. My focus must be on keeping doing what I'm doing while not freaking out.

One thing that I plan to do in this way is to keep experimenting with new foods and recipes. Here's what I've done recently. 

On Saturday, I tried the acorn squash I bought. I think I didn't cook it long enough. I used a recipe that called for cutting in half and filling the hollowed-out center with chopped apples. Cook for 35 minutes, then pour on a melted combo of 2 tsps butter with 4 tsps honey and sprinkle with cinnamon. Cook for another 20 minutes. I would add more time on the front end of the process, though, at least in my oven. The apple and honey really sweeten the flavor without bad-for-you brown sugar which I like. I used Brummel and Brown butter, so it was a little lower in points than full butter. All said, it was good, but not something I'm scrambling to make again.

I now have to figure out what to do with the butternut squash I bought. I'm excited to mess around with it. Maybe soup?

A more successful endeavor was dessert based. I love granola in my yogurt, but it's so stinking high in calories! I had some Kashi Vive honey cereal that I need to eat. I remembered that I had once added it to yogurt, but I couldn't remember if I didn't repeat that because I didn't like it or because I just forgot to try again. So...I tried again. It's great! It adds a nice crunch to the yogurt with far fewer calories than my granola. I also added some frozen raspberries so it was like a true yogurt parfait. Ooh! I also added some cocoa almonds...mmmm....a touch of chocolate. That adds points, but it's quality calories. Almonds are good for you.

Then, I was recently eating an apple while thinking about having a salad for dinner. Then I had a recollection of the time I had apples in my salad at Panera. It had seemed a weirdo combination at the time (hey--this was back when ordering a salad at a restaurant was rare and only based on guilt, not health consciousness). I decided to try it at home. I had some spinach, onions, and green peppers already, so I added part of an apple (the whole thing seemed excessive). I added a little balsalmic vinaigrette for dressing. It was great! It provides a nice added crunch and texture, plus the sweet tartness of the apple goes so well with the bitter tartness of the vinaigrette. This is especially great for me since I don't really ever add meat to anything anymore. The apple kind of gives the visual hint of meat without the fat or calories. I cut mine up into pretty small chunks, but you can do whatever you want.

I also bought a small bottle of 100% pure maple syrup (made in the state where I live: Wisconsin). I have a bunch of bulgur that I made the other night, so tomorrow morning, I'm going to heat some of that up for breakfast and add a tablespoon of syrup and some blueberries. My hope is that it will be like a hint of pancakes only healthy. I looooove blueberry pancakes, so we'll see if this cures a craving. I'll let you know!

Of course, maple syrup isn't great for you, but if you just add a little bit for flavor, it's just fine. And, honestly, we can't deny ourselves all the great things in the world, and syrup is definitely a great thing! I just recommend looking for syrup that is 100% pure. Otherwise you're getting a little syrup with a bunch of corn syrup and added sugars and fillers. Who needs that? Real maple syrup is kind of pricey but worth it!  I'll let you know how this experiment goes in the morning.

So there are my newest adventures in cooking. Any ideas you have are totally welcome. I have a few friends who are reporting in soon with new good ideas. I will keep you posted!

What I'm Doing Right

I've spent the past few posts whining about how hard it is, so I'm mixing it up. Here are diet/healthy things I've done right this week and right things I've got in the works.

1) I bought butternut squash and acorn squash! It was a super busy week, and I wasn't home to cook many elaborate meals, but they're on my shelf waiting for me to cook this weekend. I'm going to spend a little time searching for good recipes for them, in addition to the one I found earlier.

2) Additionally, I went to the grocery store and bought all kinds of healthy things, including items I haven't tried in awhile. Snack Girl had a post about cottage cheese snack ideas, so I think I'll try messing around with that this weekend, too. I like cottage cheese plain, but it will be fun to try new things.

3) I worked out every day this week, including two trips to the Y for yoga and pilates. I'm really digging pilates on Tuesday nights. It gets my heart rate up a tad, but more importantly the stretchy happy feeling it gives me is really rewarding. This is a reminder of how much I've grown over the last year.

4) Speaking of personal growth, I also agreed to do a thing at the Y next Feburary that requires me to complete an IronMan triathalon. Okay okay. So I get a month to complete it rather than a day, but still! The same friend offered it up last year and I said, "No way!!" It was too hard, too much of a commitment, too much everything. But this year I said yes without any hesitation! It was only after I said yes that I realized the amazing difference in my feelings about things.

5) I also agreed to join a team of friends who are going to do three 5Ks in December, January, and February! We're walking rather than running, but it's still pretty awesome and I'm excited to do the races and train with these friends. I'm also going to do my second Turkey Trot 5K through my university. That's in November, so that means four big races in four months! Again, the difference a year makes is astounding.

What all of this means is that I have lots to celebrate, even in the midst of all my fretting over my diet and social binges. As a pessimistic person, it is really easy for me to glam on to the negative things about my daily life. The fact that I have so many social opportunities is a blessing, but I focus on the bad part relating to my diet. Focusing on my diet so obsessively prevents me from seeing the big picture, which is that I am 60 pounds lighter than I was one year ago. I am excited about exercise and health in a way that seemed impossible before.

Keeping this in mind the past few days has really helped me stay happy and positive about everything. I went from "Egads! I can't eat anything at the party on Thursday because I'll ruin everything!" to, "I've been great all week about eating healthy, so I'm having a brat and dessert." Turns out, I totally overdid it, but I went home (stuffed and a little uncomfortable, frankly) still feeling okay about myself. Positive thinking is key to positive outcomes, right?

Right. I can do it. We all can! Weee!!

Oopsies. Overcorrection alert.

I've been really back on track this week, watching my points, staying active, eating my fruits and vegetables. It's nice to be back in control of things.

But that's also part of the problem: control. I'm a bit of a control freak. That's part of what's caused the anxiety of late when I've had so many opportunities to be off target. I can't/won't control myself. But now that I'm back in control, I have other kinds of issues to deal with. For example, I have been under eating this week in order to correct for the past few weeks. I haven't let myself eat more than my 25 daily points, even though I exercise, which should allow me to eat at least three more per day. I have felt hungry, but I put up.

But today I surpassed hunger. I was teaching my second section of interpersonal communication this morning and my brain just basically shut down. I was suddenly swimming in jello. It was hard to move, harder to think, impossible to give my lecture. I said, "Wow. I don't think I'm making any sense. I feel off." They laughed and nodded, suggesting that they had noticed it as well. I laughed it off and tried to finish class, but I let them go a little early. The rest of the day I was lethargic, half-dazed and quite grumpy.

It took me awhile to figure out possible connections. I've been getting the regular amount of sleep (which is, granted, not quite enough). I haven't woken up in the night. I haven't done any more strenuous activity than normal. The only difference over the past few weeks (months, actually), is that I am eating noticeably less.

So I guess I have to go back to my original shift in thinking over the past year. I said how I learned to see food as fuel, not as a simple pastime. That goes the other direction, too: food is fuel, not the enemy. I want to be healthy, but I can't equate that with a number on my scale or on the tags of my clothes. I want to be healthy, not skinny.

People tell me I'm an inspiration/role model for weight loss. Be careful your role models.

Social Support and Healthy Eating

So it was my first day back at home after several days away with friends. I had a great time with great people. However, I alternated between being good and being really bad. I take responsibility for that, but it's also really hard to be healthy when everyone else is having fun eating junk and having cocktails. So I was weak and joined the group.

Again.

Of course, this is my responsibility, and I accept that responsibility. What frustrates me, however, is that social support pretty radically changed when I stopped losing weight. My friends are lovely and happy for me, but I keep hearing things like, "Now that you're done losing, you can have an extra drink/unhealthy snack." Not always in so many words, of course, but in implication. When I talk about being careful and avoiding nasty foods, I get responses that suggest they think I'm being overly cautious. I hear, "Oh, but you're so thin now!" When I express concern about gaining some of the weight back, I get, "Oh, but you still look thin, so who cares?"  Or, "You weren't being that bad. Relax!"

I'm thin now because of all the hard work I put into it. I will only stay thin by working hard.  I will only be able to work hard if my friends and family accept my new way of thinking/living without the thinly veiled incredulity and the prodding toward unhealthy habits. While I am responsible for myself, I don't for a second believe that I can do this alone, or that I can do it in the face of pressure to conform back to my old habits.

The slippery slope toward being overweight will start with the good intentions of friends who want me to enjoy life. There's also the possibility that my healthy choices only highlight their own bad choices, which makes them feel bad or guilty. I understand that completely, and relate to it from my own past experiences, but I don't judge people for their choices so I wish they wouldn't judge mine. I just want this to be easy, and that is impossible if my friends and family don't help me make it easier by showing the same level of support that they did while I was losing weight. 

Eats I'm Eating

I've been doing some moderate experimenting with things to eat because I always want to broaden out my menu so I don't get bored. Thought I'd share a few things I've tried.

1) Vegetarian Chili. This is something I tried last week and it was really good. I typically stay away from box mix stuff because it's overly salty and filled with artificial junk and preservatives. But I was at the co-op the other night and found a brand of vegetarian box mixes on sale called Fantastic Word Foods. I do love a sale, and I do love convenience...so I bought some Tabouli (eh---it's okay) and Vegetarian Chili (YUM!). Looking at the labels, it's not pure whole foods, but I know all the ingredients in the list, and only one or two make me bat an eye. The others are just simple things like dried vegetables. The worst part of it is that salt. If you're trying for a low-salt diet, this would be an investment in your daily allotment: 850mg per serving. I choose no-salt black beans so at least I have that going for me.

The chili is amazing. It has soy protein that doesn't taste funky, so I didn't feel the need to add meat, but you could. I just added what the box told me to: black beans and canned tomatoes. I added extra tomatoes (Muir Glen, which has really nice, thick sauce with the tomatoes) to add extra substance without lots of calories. I also added some onion and green peppers for more texture and nutrition. 

With the extra tomatoes, I got five servings out of the box rather than four. Yay! I put each serving in a plastic container for lunches. The last two I put in the freezer to keep it good till next week so I don't have to eat it all at once.

2) English muffins with frozen blueberries. Awhile back, Snack Girl mentioned how it would be better just to put fresh fruit on your toast or muffins in the morning. I decided recently to try that, and it's great. Much better for you than jelly, though I've been eating preserves that contain nothing but pureed fruit with pectin to set it up (for my Iowa friends, you can get it in the health aisle at Hy-Vee. It's called Barb's Garden Pantry, and it's made by a lady from Iowa...raspberry is my favorite so far.). What works particularly nicely here is if you spread some creamed honey on the toast and then add the fruit on top. The honey makes the fruit stick to the bread easier...and it tastes delicious.

If you haven't tried creamed honey, you should. It has the same nutritional qualities as regular honey but it spreads easier. As Linda from SNL would say, "It's like buttah."  Anyway. It's a great and delicious breakfast that also allows you to get some of your fruit in.

3) Fruity teas. I often get a snack craving before bed. It's not typically a hunger deal, but I need to taste something. Does that make sense? Anyway, now that it's colder, I try to alleviate those situations with calorie-free flavored tea rather than an actual snack. Celestial Seasonings has apple & cinnamon and apple cranberry flavors that are perfect for fall. I end up feeling like I've had a sweet treat, I feel warmer when I'm through, and ready for bed. Of course, if I have actual hunger pangs, the problem often doesn't go away and then I try to find a healthy snack to deal with it. But I would say a majority of the time, I end up not feeling like I need anything more, and that's how I know it's most often just a psychological urge, not a biological need.


This week, my goal is to try a couple different kinds of squash, as part of my effort to eat fruits and vegetables that are local and in season. The first thing I'm going to try is a Southwest Stuffed Acorn Squash. When I'm feeling more ambitious, I would love to try Pumpkin-Apple soup with either pumpkin or butternut squash. If anyone has recommendations on what kind of squash to eat or how to make them, let me know!  I had a somewhat unhealthy weekend (mixed with moments of being good), so I'm ready for a week of solid, healthy patterns. Go me!

Trying to Make it All Work

I went to Oktoberfest here in La Crosse last night. It was fun, and I resisted the urge to drink my points, even though it was craft beer night. Doesn't that sound virtuous?

Oh, did I mention the gyro I ate? Hey, I mean. I did ask the guy to "go light" on the sauce, so that's something, right?

Oh, but did I mention I got some sour-cream-and-onion chips to go with that? Oh, well. It was a small bag, right?

Oh, but did I mention that I decided to get a funnel cake? Hey, I did share it with my friends. Sort of.

Oh, and then one of the new professors was there, so I ate a couple of his cheese curds.

So, yeah. Last night wasn't a series of good choices, eh? I did that whole justification thing the entire night. But justification doesn't burn calories (oh, if only).

My last bit of atonement was to stop at the grocery store on my way home. I'll be out of town this weekend, with friends (i.e., with socializing), so I know it's going to be a series of temptations. I got tons of healthy snacks to take with so that I have more opportunities to make the right decisions. Here's hoping for success.

I'm increasingly aware that the past weeks have been exactly the kind of thing that makes people have to go back to WW after gaining back all the weight. With God as my witness, I will NOT be in that camp!

Take a Deep Breath

My scale indicates I'm up a few pounds. It has indicated this for several days in a row, so I am thinking it's not a fluke. This corresponds to a slight slackening in my attention to detail on my diet. There have been several social events lately and when I was gone for a chunk of the weekend I was not careful at all.

The decision, now, is what to do about it? This is new territory. Do I give it a few more days to see if it's just some kind of body fluke (or my impending period, to offer up a TMI)? Do I start some kind of process to lose the two pounds? How many pounds do I gain before I make it an official loss plan? Is two pounds too few? Am I being paranoid or is losing the two pounds part of the idea of nipping it in the bud?

Furthermore, how do I not let this thought process and fear rule my life and my willingness to be social? I ask because I now find myself frustrated at being invited to go out with friends because I know it will lead to overeating. But that's stupid because I'm ultimately in control...but then we often go places that have a Wisconsin-style healthy menu, which means there often are no healthy choices at all. And then there's the subtle pressure to "just have one," which adds up to two or three. But that's crap, too. I can say no because A) I'm an adult and B) it's not like my friends will hate me or judge me if I say no emphatically enough. So am I using social stuff as an excuse? Am I letting myself lose my own sense of power and control by making social activities a kind of scapegoat?

See what I mean? It's hard! I want to have fun, I want to be social, I want to eat those onion rings. But I don't want to gain my weight back. But I don't want to be so obsessive about my weight that it becomes a burden. But if I slack a little, it will become easy to slack a lot. But if I can't have a little slack, I'm going to go off the deep end.

Argh.

This isn't easy. Even now that I'm used to my new lifestyle, the allure of my old one lingers, nagging and complicated.