Trying to Make it All Work

I went to Oktoberfest here in La Crosse last night. It was fun, and I resisted the urge to drink my points, even though it was craft beer night. Doesn't that sound virtuous?

Oh, did I mention the gyro I ate? Hey, I mean. I did ask the guy to "go light" on the sauce, so that's something, right?

Oh, but did I mention I got some sour-cream-and-onion chips to go with that? Oh, well. It was a small bag, right?

Oh, but did I mention that I decided to get a funnel cake? Hey, I did share it with my friends. Sort of.

Oh, and then one of the new professors was there, so I ate a couple of his cheese curds.

So, yeah. Last night wasn't a series of good choices, eh? I did that whole justification thing the entire night. But justification doesn't burn calories (oh, if only).

My last bit of atonement was to stop at the grocery store on my way home. I'll be out of town this weekend, with friends (i.e., with socializing), so I know it's going to be a series of temptations. I got tons of healthy snacks to take with so that I have more opportunities to make the right decisions. Here's hoping for success.

I'm increasingly aware that the past weeks have been exactly the kind of thing that makes people have to go back to WW after gaining back all the weight. With God as my witness, I will NOT be in that camp!

Take a Deep Breath

My scale indicates I'm up a few pounds. It has indicated this for several days in a row, so I am thinking it's not a fluke. This corresponds to a slight slackening in my attention to detail on my diet. There have been several social events lately and when I was gone for a chunk of the weekend I was not careful at all.

The decision, now, is what to do about it? This is new territory. Do I give it a few more days to see if it's just some kind of body fluke (or my impending period, to offer up a TMI)? Do I start some kind of process to lose the two pounds? How many pounds do I gain before I make it an official loss plan? Is two pounds too few? Am I being paranoid or is losing the two pounds part of the idea of nipping it in the bud?

Furthermore, how do I not let this thought process and fear rule my life and my willingness to be social? I ask because I now find myself frustrated at being invited to go out with friends because I know it will lead to overeating. But that's stupid because I'm ultimately in control...but then we often go places that have a Wisconsin-style healthy menu, which means there often are no healthy choices at all. And then there's the subtle pressure to "just have one," which adds up to two or three. But that's crap, too. I can say no because A) I'm an adult and B) it's not like my friends will hate me or judge me if I say no emphatically enough. So am I using social stuff as an excuse? Am I letting myself lose my own sense of power and control by making social activities a kind of scapegoat?

See what I mean? It's hard! I want to have fun, I want to be social, I want to eat those onion rings. But I don't want to gain my weight back. But I don't want to be so obsessive about my weight that it becomes a burden. But if I slack a little, it will become easy to slack a lot. But if I can't have a little slack, I'm going to go off the deep end.

Argh.

This isn't easy. Even now that I'm used to my new lifestyle, the allure of my old one lingers, nagging and complicated.

A Reward for Good Behavior

Losing weight is a long process, unless you're only trying to lose a few pounds. It's hard work. It's frustrating at times. That's why I turned it into a series of little goals, complete with rewards for each achievement. 

For example, I had a pair of cute brown jeans. I had bought them in Iowa City when I had lost a smidgeon of weight one summer. They were always on the tight side, but I made them work until that fateful last semester of my Ph.D. program when I started the process of packing the pounds back on. By the time I joined WW last fall (11 months ago today!), there was not a chance in the hot and flamey place that I could get them past my knees. So my first goal became to get back into them. Each week, I went to my meeting and weighed in. I came home, and tried on my brown jeans. Each week they didn't fit...but each week they got a little higher up. By the first of December, they were up to my waist but far from zippable. By mid-December, if I swore not to breathe while I wore them, I could walk in them (until I passed out, of course).

And then, by Christmas...I could breathe in them. It took about 17 pounds to get into them, though they were still a little too tight and definitely tighter than they had been when I bought them. I wore them to our Christmas Day celebration as a reminder not to gorge myself. I also went to Christmas with a healthy, fruit-based contribution to the goody tray! Apples with fat-free whipped cream mixed with a packet of fat-free pudding---try it! It's so good (but filled with artificial junk, so keep it in moderation, y'all). By reaching that goal, I got to buy a new piece of clothing (forget now what I chose).

Then my goal was to hit 30-pounds by the time I went to London for spring break. That gave me 2.5 months to lose about 15 pounds. Honestly, that was one of my motivations for buying the Wii. Things were slowing down, and I wasn't sure I could do it without exercise. Once I got started on that, I was down down down again...about 40 by the time I went to London! Reward? Some cute, fitted t-shirts from H&M in London. Fitted? Me? Me wearing fitted clothes?? Yup.

Then I found out I was going to Ireland and I wanted to be to goal by the time I went there. That meant another 15 pounds in three months. Hey, I figured, if I could hit 40 pounds in four months, I could surely do 15 in three months! Well, not so hasty, Dena. Those last 15 were stubborn. I lost regularly, but far less at a time. I kept working hard, though, because I really wanted that goal. Turns out, I didn't quite make it. I was 1.5 pounds shy of goal when I left, but with all the walking I did in Ireland, I hit goal the first week I went back to meetings when I returned.

My reward for hitting goal had been to buy some kick-butt sexy jeans. Price was no object (well...within reason). I wanted hot jeans! I hit goal (and then some) by the end of June and successfully hit Lifetime Member status (six weeks of stability) by early August. But six weeks later, I had not yet rewarded myself with my jeans. Until yesterday!!  I was with a friend who has much better fashion sense than I do, and she took me to The Buckle to find them. I ended up getting two pair (but will likely take one pair back when I decide which ones I like better). They are HOT!  And THREE SIZES SMALLER than I've EVER worn before. That, my friends, is what I call a reward. A cha cha cha. When I wear them out for the first time, I'll take a picture to post.

So basically, then, the message is to provide yourself lots of little mini-goals with lots of fun mini-rewards! Don't wait to be excited till the end. Be excited all the way through your journey to success. Just like when you take a long road trip and use landmarks as markers of progress...give yourself something fun (and non-food based, BTW) to mark your loss progress. Work toward some hot jeans of your own!

Experimenting and Hodge Podging

I just burned my mouth. On delicious, delicious hot chocolate. In Ireland, they have this brand called Options, which is...zero points (40 cal with no fat and 2g fiber) per serving. And it's so good! My friend who was visiting me there loved it as much as I did, and since it was cool over there, even in June, we ended many evenings with a cup. I also started many mornings with a cup!  It's made by Ovaltine, so I thought it might be a simple matter of my not having noticed it in the U.S., but it turns out it they don't sell it here. Rage. I think I'm going to write Ovaltine a letter and demand my Options! Hands up if you'll join me!

Then, thought I'd mention that I spoke too soon. Last night, I went to bed according to routine. Nothing was different from normal. But I couldn't get to sleep. The stress of the following day got to me. I couldn't stop thinking about what I had to do and what I wanted to say in class. So I slept like crap. Dang it.

Going back to my breakfast post from awhile ago, I tried bulgur for breakfast this week. The quinoa idea inspired me. Turns out it's great. I had it with blueberries, honey, and a little almond milk (yogurt would work as well. I was out.). It's hearty like steel-cut oats, but faster. I made four servings one night when I made some for my stirfry. I saved the three remaining servings in plastic containers so I could eat it either at home for breakfast or take it to work for lunch. It was great!

Speaking of stir-fry, I tried something new tonight. I got some of that broccoli slaw that Hungry Girl mentioned several weeks ago, added a bit of chicken (it felt like a meat day) and some green pepper and onion, mixed in some wasabi teriyaki (almost gone!!). Then I turned it into a wrap! I put it in a whole-wheat tortilla, and it was really great, filling, and low points (four, according to my calculations). I paired that with some sweet potato slices that I baked (1.5 pts), and it was just like a restaurant meal only cheaper and far healthier. I only wish I had some of those crunchy noodles to add. I love those.

Since today is the first day of fall, my next big food-based adventure is to get out my crock pot and try some slow-cooker recipes for soups and stuff. I'm excited for that because I hope it will help me solve the lunch problems. Healthy leftovers will help me survive the coming six months of nasty cold weather. I have a WW book for slow cooker recipes, but there's also SkinnyTaste to the rescue with her list of recipes for the crock pot.

I am going to be gone this weekend, but I've been really good about saving up my flex points so I don't have to worry about watching my diet quite so carefully. I still hope to make as many decent choices as I can, though. We'll see!!

Sorry for the mashed up post. I just had a bunch of little things to say that would never warrant a big entry to themselves. Happy (healthy) weekend, everyone!

The Rest is Easy

I can't prove this, but I swear I'm sleeping better since I started eating right. For a long time, I've had trouble falling asleep, and I've periodically had spells of being unable to sleep well once I got to sleep. But (knock wood) it's been months since any of that has happened.

I can't point to any one thing that's made a difference. I don't avoid food before bed particularly. Sometimes I have a bedtime snack, sometimes I don't. I don't particularly avoid caffeine (though I don't drink too much at night). I do go to bed at about the same time every night, but then I've pretty much always done that.

The only non-food thing I can think of is that I've been doing some meditation before bed. Not in a religious/spiritual sense, but I just try to focus on my body and how it feels while I lay in bed rather than on the stressful events of the day (current or next).

But the thing is that this non-food change might also be related to food, in that my thinking seems clearer, my concentration a little more consistent, and my mood has been elevated since I started this process of getting healthy. Are all of these working together to make me a better sleeper? I dunno, but I think so.

I read this article in Fitness magazine that suggests the same. So it would make sense that good sleep is a great side effect of getting healthier. Whatever it is, it's like a little miracle for me that I turn out the light after Colbert and within minutes I'm asleep. When I wake up in the morning (ready to be up most days), I think about what I remember after turning off the light and the answer is usually "nothing." Before, I could point to a long list of things I had thought about/worried about, how many times I turned over and/or checked the clock.

I have a feeling that this whole deal is a complicated series of connections. I feel better and less stressed, so I sleep better. I sleep better so I feel even less stressed. I also feel less stress because I'm more productive during the day than I used to be. I am more productive because I'm eating better, and eating better makes me sleep better. Eating better gives me more energy so I exercise more, which makes me sleep better, which gives me even more energy. Energy makes me more productive during the day. Feeling more productive makes me less stressed so I can sleep better.

Whatever started the cycle of connections/correlations doesn't matter. The result is that all of these changes make my life better, and so I'm motivated to keep up all the stuff that I'm doing to keep the good things going.

Casa del Gorda

There's been chatting today on a friend's FB status about Burger King's new breakfast menu. Turns out the new "Ultimate Platter" breakfast, consisting of pancakes, hash browns, and bacon, is a whopping (whopper?) 1300 calories. All told, I calculated it to 28 WW points. If you need a frame of reference...I get 25 points per day. By contrast, and surprisingly, the KFC double down, consisting of breaded chicken breasts in place of a bun with bacon and cheese in between is "only" 540 calories. That's shockingly low for what I expected, but I still don't plan on indulging anytime soon.

Later on in the day, this article about restaurant options was posted on my news feed. That chicken burrito from Chipotle? Yeah. I used to eat one of those per week (with chips).

This got me reflecting on another major change I had to learn to make, and which I alluded to a few days ago: I used to be a total restaurant junkie. Partly (mostly) because I was lazy. Partly because I liked the taste of the food better than what I made at home. I think it's no exaggeration to say I ate out five or six times per week, and I rarely made decent decisions when doing so...and of course, good decisions are virtually impossible.

One of my first decisions after joining WW was to stop this madness. I couldn't afford it, either monetarily or nutritionally. I poked around the Internet to see how bad my favorites were, and it made me blanch. I was eating a day's worth of calories/pts for every stinking meal I ate in a restaurant. I decided it was a major hurdle that I could take on immediately and feel good about. It also helped me because it made being in WW more affordable if I didn't spend the equivalent in a couple weeks' meals out.

I actually found it surprisingly easy, after the first week or so. When the weight started falling off, I made the connection that restaurant food was probably a major factor in my weight gain. The last major gain started my last semester of grad school when I was on fellowship. I used eating out as an excuse to leave my house since I didn't have class or teaching to get me out. Now, when I stopped that increasingly bad habit, the weight started to shed. It was an obvious link.

By the time New Year's rolled around, about six weeks into my new life, I noticed that A) I didn't miss it, B) when I ate out, I was more likely to feel sick to my stomach and hence C) I started wanting not to go out. That was a crazy realization. It's to the point now where I have to brace myself to go out. I only do it when I'm invited out, and then I work it out to minimize the damage (as I've written about before).

Going along with that, one of my little triggers for losing weight beyond "the photo" was that I was having frequent problems with indigestion and heart burn. To the point where I went to the doctor, with some concern. She offered me pills or a diet change. I chose pills. It helped, but I was extremely annoyed at the prospect of paying for the pills (esp. to the pharmaceutical companies). Once I started WW and quit eating out? You guessed it. I put those pills away. I only need them now when I eat stupidly, and even then I make myself suffer as a reminder of why eating stupidly should be a rare occurrence!

We live in a culture of luxury--one that allows us to frequently let someone else make and serve our food. But that luxury comes cheap only in the financial sense. It's also--literally--a heavy price to pay for our health. I don't regret ending my restaurant habit. If you eat out too much, you might consider cutting back a bit, too! Those pounds will come off as your bank account gets fatter.

Wat(er) Surprise. Or, Look Ma! No Oogies!

Do you know what I just did? Seriously. It's amazing. You'll never guess.

I just drank my fourth big glass of water for the day.

Do you know what else?

I've only had one pop. The whole day. I've only had one pop...the whole day.

I mean. Would you ever have guessed? Me neither.

I grew up drinking lots of pop. My best friend, who lived across the street in the town where I lived till I was 11, loved coming to my house because she got to drink pop. It was a novelty for her and a normal pattern for me. I grew up and kept up the habit. Actually, truth be told, I got a lot worse when I was on my own. Up until mid-spring, I drank five or six cans worth a day. Yup.

I decided early on in the process of losing weight that I had to cut back. I still have no intention of giving it up entirely. I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, and I only drink socially. A little pop isn't going to do that much damage, even if it does nothing for me nutritionally.

As I said in an earlier post, I started the process of cutting back by making myself have one big glass of water in between each can of pop. Before long, I was down to about three cans per day.

I always thought water was boring, while pop was delicious. And still calorie-free since I drank diet. After awhile, though, I noticed that I didn't really mind water. I still preferred pop, but I was content either way. Then I noticed that I actually craved water sometimes. I also noticed that my pee was no longer nuclear yellow...the downside of that being that I had to go a lot more often.

Lastly, I noticed that my stomach and esophagus felt less....oogy. I don't know how to describe that, but it turns out I had a constant feeling of....oogy...that I had learned to ignore until it went away as I decreased my pop intake. After I detoxed a bit, I noticed the feeling coming back on days when I drank too much pop or even just drank it too fast. So I decided to cut from three to two.

Then I decided one to two. And that's where I am now. No more oogy feeling (as long as I sip, not chug). Yesterday I drank way too much of it (along with a not-so-healthy diet). Oogy.  Today, just the one can. No oogy. (Along with a very healthy diet, apart from that banana bread for breakfast...but it's grandma's homemade banana bread so it's mentally and emotionally healthy if not nutritionally so.)

Guess what else (I love games). I have not had a serious zit since I cut back. I have not had oily skin all summer. So that's a bonus I can live with. People have actually commented on my skin looking healthier! That's partly the other healthy things, I imagine, but I think the water has a lot to do with it.

I guess this isn't a radically different post from my earlier one about making slow changes rather than big ones, but I just wanted to point out another reason why the changes are worth it. If it seems too hard to cut out something you love, just think about the potential positive outcomes that can come from the alteration! It's not just losing the weight. It's the hidden oogies that you don't even know you feel. Maybe it's acne, maybe it's dark circles under your eyes. Maybe it's sleep disturbances (of which more later). Who knows. Some ill effect lurks that you may not be aware of, and making a needed change will allow you to discover and eliminate them! Who can argue with the joy of eliminating oogies?

What? There are consequences????

I had a great time on Thursday eating at Wine Guyz and Piggy's, two local favorites, with some great friends. I ate delicious food and drank some delicious wine. The problem is that none of the delicious food was healthy food. I had too much cheese, bread, more cheese, more bread, some chicken, and (worst of all) a crapload of fresh-fried potato chips at Piggy's (nom nom nom). I mean...I ate a crapload of those chips. The salt was laced with crack, I think.  I knew as I was eating them that I should stop at a handful, but I didn't stop. Kept eating.

Guess what. I spent the rest of the evening feeling like garbage, but that's just the start. The worst was that I woke up the next morning competely jacked up. I was foggy, lethargic, grumpy, and just uncomfortable. I was not alert, not myself. At first I thought, "Oof. Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

But then it hit me. This is how I used to always feel in the morning. I was always grumpy, always tired, always lethargic. I haven't felt that way, really, in months. I still don't love mornings, but I wake up feeling like I'm ready for the day, even though it's only 6am. I get to school and start working without having to psych myself up for it.

Aha. The difference is that I fuel my body in such a way that I have the energy to make it happen. It's not that I'm "not a morning person." It's that I wasn't a healthy person. Now I am, and now mornings are tolerable. Unless I eat like crap the night before.

Okay, body. Lesson learned.

Getting Off My Butt to Lose My Butt

I could point to a lot of things that were hard/hardest about losing weight. What I think of as the hardest kind of depends on the day, and what is hardest right now. But if I'm honest, I would probably say that the hardest adjustment I made was learning to tolerate exercise.

When I joined WW, they kept talking about the importance of moving and exercising. I did not want to hear this. I was hoping points control alone would be enough, and for awhile it absolutely was! I was down about 20 pounds in fairly short order without changing my movement patterns at all. But then the weight started coming off a little more slowly, and I knew then that it was time to listen to my leader's reminders about the role of exercise in my "weight loss journey" (to use WW lingo).

Nothing about this excited me. I was in Minnesota visiting my cousin and she tried to convince me to get a Wii so I could exercise with the WiiFit. I decided it was too much money, as was joining a gym. But then one night over my holiday break from school, I just got a bug up my butt and decided I wanted to buy a Wii anyway. So, off to Target to buy the thing, along with Fit. I brought it home and set up a profile (with a chubby Mii avatar). That first full day after buying it, I played it so much that the game kindly suggested I stop playing for awhile.

I decided on my plan of action (assuming, of course, that I would fail). I would get up each morning and work out for 30 minutes. The Wii would develop a workout for me, not just of the games but of the yoga and strength training exercises, too. Until school started, this was easy. Once I had to start being on campus early to teach, it was less easy.

But I did it. I just did it. I didn't like it. I didn't want to. I resented the Wii trainer who/that made me do planks and lunges. I wanted to hit the snooze bar. I wanted to stop. I didn't wanna I didn't wanna I didn't WANNA!!!  But I just kept doing it.

That's it. There's no magic. I just. Kept. Doing it. That's what it takes. Not letting myself take a day off because I had been up too late. Not giving myself a break because I had a long day ahead. Not giving myself time off for healthy eating.

Before too long, I grew to tolerate it.

Shortly after I got Wii Fit, I decided it wasn't enough, so I asked for (and got) WiiActive, which is a much more intensive workout program, for my birthday. Suddenly I was sweating a lot, and burning a LOT more calories. Then I bought the second version of WiiActive awhile later to add some variety--and I was a little bit excited about that! I figured out that it gives me more flexibility to eat treats I couldn't otherwise easily fit in. It made my butt and legs firmer (though still not firm!!). It gave me more energy over the long term (after I caught my breath again). 

Now, I find it to be a routine thing. It's part of my day. I even decided to wake up a little earlier this semester so I can workout and still be to work early. It's working fine so far! My energy level is unbelievably ramped up. I feel better after I do it (not while!!). After starting this process, my weight loss increased again, and now I am finding it relatively easy to stay on track with it.

What's most amazing is that I find myself seeking other forms of exercise to branch out. I would not have believed this possible before. I got my bike back in working order. I joined the YMCA once I could stop paying WW (when I hit Lifetime Member status). I enjoy these activities (though still not as much as sitting quietly with a good book). I enjoy being active!

Ultimately, then, getting to the point where I exercise moderately without any gripes was just like how I changed my diet. I added it to my life on my own terms--when I was ready--and increased the intensity only as I was ready for it. I started with three days a week, then five, now six.

Like with food, people feel like they have to become obsessive exercisers in order to succeed. For me, I had to grow to accept it as part of my life. Now I have, and now I work out every morning except for one weekend morning every week. Six days a week!!

If you need to start...start. Just start. Don't wait till you want to do it. Don't let yourself justify not doing it. Do it a few times a week. Build from there. Just. Start. Doing it. Now!

Cold Turkey is for Nov. 26

So I mentioned to a friend that I didn't know what to write about next on the blog, and she recommended I talk a little bit about the hurdles I initially faced when I started losing weight and how I overcame them. So maybe I'll spend a few days on those kinds of things, and then I'll go from there.

Before I do, though, another friend (I have awesome friends, obviously) mentioned that her friend has another breakfast idea: quinoa. Now, I'm new to quinoa, which is healthy, protein-rich seed from South America. It looks a bit like couscous. It's delicious with vegetables as a rice alternative, but I had not thought to make it a breakfast food! Like steel-cut oats, it takes a bit to cook, but not as long. Maybe 5-10 minutes or so. I tried it this morning with a little honey, some blueberries and a little yogurt to make it creamier. It was delicious!! And quite filling for about 4 pts. There are lots of reasons to try quinoa, but now you have one more.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand, right? I started WW in October 2009. Being a fatalist and self-defeatest extraordinaire, I assumed it would probably be another opportunity to fail. I always looked at the "results not typical" part of the ads on TV and did that little derisive sniff thing. "Psh. Yeah. Results not typical. Results not for me." I was sure I didn't have the willpower. I was sure I was genetically too predisposed to being overweight.

But there I was, at the first meeting. I got my book and figured out my points allowance. I went home. I started tracking points the next morning. It became quickly obvious just how rotten my seemingly innocent choices were: granola bars, a little piece of candy here, a little piece of candy there. That package of Oreos was even worse than I thought! Oh, man. That frozen pizza is a nightmare! Orange juice?!?!? Even that's a lot of points? It's fruit!! The problem, though, of course, is that I wasn't ready for an immediate and radical change. So I started a kind of phasing out process.

I started by working down the junk in my cupboards. I allowed myself only one Oreo per day until they were gone and then vowed not to get them anymore (I don't like them that much, so I knew it wasn't a big deal). I started cutting in half the amount of orange juice I had in the morning instead of eliminating it outright--oj was a lifelong tradition for breakfast!! It would be a challenge to cut down, so eliminating was out of the question. I started making myself drink one glass of water in between each can of pop, rather than cutting out pop or too drastically (too quickly) cutting it out of my life. It was already diet pop, but I knew it was still part of my problem.

I loved and adored pasta, but I decided to try the whole wheat kind instead of eliminating it. It worked! I wanted to keep meat in my pasta sauce, so I tried ground chicken instead of ground beef. It worked! (Now I'm just fine without any meat at all.)

I wanted to keep pizza in my life, so I found brands that were easily portion controlled and not too outrageous on points (Red Baron French Bread supreme did the trick). No more buying entire frozen pizzas.

I wanted to eliminate going out to eat so many times a week, so I made a deal with myself. If I was good on weigh-in day, I would stop on the way home for Taco John's tacos (4pts each). That became my weekly restaurant treat. Then if I was feeling too lazy to cook, I was allowed one night stopping at the grocery store for something easy to prepare. (Now, I never eat Taco John's and I only stop at the grocery when I need a bunch of stuff--healthy stuff.)

What all these things added up to was a series of small changes that became a radical change. There was not one thing that I quit cold turkey. There are few things now that I've entirely given up, come to that. The important thing to know is that every healthy thing I do now is a result of a build-up of little things. If you're just starting out, or just beginning to think about starting out, don't decide on a particular day when everything changes. Just do a couple little things at a time.

I know this is not stunning, novel advice, but it is worthy of a repetition. I think most of my friends, and most people more generally, feel like everything has to be like a New Year's resolution, like a grand event or ceremony. Bull. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Think about two things you'd like to change, and figure out how you can change or improve those two things. Look for a worthy substitute or a weaning schedule that you can live with. Then, when that becomes acceptable, keep it up and add two more things. Or three. Whatever.

People think I have so much willpower. I don't, which is exactly why this strategy worked. If I had given any one thing up on a cold turkey basis, I would have failed miserably, just as I had initially predicted. I'm only successful because I was kind enough to myself to be realistic.

Maybe tomorrow will be part two of this: how I learned to stop worrying and love the exercise. (Or at least to tolerate it.)

Breakfast to go...but still homemade

Week two of the semester began today, and so far it's gone great! Students are settling in, laughing at my jokes. I've averted a few embarrassing incidents (fly down, tripping, etc.). Groovetastic.

And today I've been a healthy little girl, so that's great, too. I made black bean brownies yesterday and took some to friends at work who raved about them. I even ate one myself and discovered they are even more awesome straight out of the fridge...you should try it! I'm going to put the pan in there tonight. I think they'll also keep a bit longer that way, so I don't have to schnarf them so fast (not that I'd mind schnarfing).

I'm writing you while eating stir fry. Healthy dinner. Oh, yeah. With teriyaki sauce (wasabi teriyaki sauce, even. YUM), vegetables and brown rice, we're talking about five points for dinner. Very doable. And very delicious and filling! So, be good and eat your veg with me! :)

The one thing about the semester that's throwing me off a bit is breakfast. I'm really discovering how important a solid breakfast is in keeping me going all day. I used to get by with a little bit, but then I was always snacking on crap all afternoon. I can snack on healthy stuff in the afternoon, but it's just easier and less tempting if I start the day with the right stuff. I already get up plenty early to be out the door at a reasonable time, so I don't want to spend a lot of time making something big and substantial for breakfast. Easy stuff is often bad for you, though. I'm getting a little tired already of bagel thins with jam, pumpkin or peanut butter. I need ideas.

Fortunately, I've found a few that I'm planning to try this week.  Here's the scoop so you can try them with me:

1) Overnight oats. There are a couple of options to try here in order to get my nutritious steel-cut oats in without waiting the 25 minutes in the morning. I somehow ended up at a new blog called The Actor's Diet and found a recipe for making them before bed and waking up to them ready to eat! It sounds like she might eat them cold, but I might try warming it up in the microwave...not sure till I try it. I don't know what kamut flakes are, but I figure who cares. It will work the same with just oats alone. 

Then a friend sent me another recipe for overnight oats that might work, too, though it does still require some work in the morning...just less than normal. Sounds delicious. Reading these reminds me that I need to be more adventurous with my fruit and nut toppings with the oatmeal. I too often really on blueberries. Silly me.

2) Then through that site, I ended up at another site (ah, the Internet) that promises a healthy and tasty breakfast cookie! You can make it at night and let the oats soften overnight till you're ready to eat it in the morning. It looks like it might make more than one day's breakfast, so that's even better! According to my WW calculator, the whole thing is 11 points, and I get 25 in a day, sooooo....I think I'll eat half, which is only 5 pts. Judging by the pics, that should be a substantial bit of food.

3) Then, back to The Actor's Diet, I found a breakfast pudding that sounds easy and nutritious. You could use any instant oatmeal (preferably one that doesn't have extra junk in it--just plain, healthy oats) instead of the brand she recommends. You could also just add fruit and some almonds. I think this is my most likely first attempt at fast, healthy breakfast. I'll add either blueberries or raspberries, I think. Then some almonds. Back to my old, predictable routine. Ha!

Speaking of almonds, you should try cocoa roasted almonds as a healthy (in moderation) snack. A friend told me about them awhile back, and I have been meaning to try them ever since. Well. Let's just say I now own a big old tub of them. The first of many. They are a great way to get a chocolate taste with all the benefits of the healthy nutrients in almonds! Let's also just say that the healthy fat in the almonds helped me....uh....overcome some digestion back-up issues. So there you go. Chocolate + pooping = Happy Dena.  I was searching for the link to Emerald brand, which is what mine are, and I found a recipe for making them at home. So if that suits your fancy, knock yourself out! I'm a full advocate of DIY healthy eating!

4) Back from that tangent, the last thing that I think I'll try--and honestly, this may have been how the whole breakfast internet search began--is this overnight pancake from Snack Girl! It's all stuff I tend to have around the house anyway, so I will definitely make this one a regular, I'm sure. I just need milk right now. I realized this morning after pouring it into my coffee that it's starting to turn. Gross. But I still drank the coffee. Nothing comes between Dena and her a.m. coffee.

So, now that I've thought through all my options, I need to get off my duff and buy my breakfast supplies! I'll report in on the successes as I experience them. Let me know if you try them, too!

Ingesting it Personally

The semester begins, and I fall behind already. Not just on school stuff, but on blogging and on making good decisions, too. Want to know how many cookies I ate in the space of 24 hours?

Four.

(Plus, some carrot cake and coconut cream pie. Some beer. And a margarita. And I put some ground white chocolate in my Caribou coffee.)

My scale doesn't indicate any doom or gloom as a result, so I lucked out. But come on, Dena.

I'm trying so hard not to beat myself up today, but I find that to be such an easy pattern of behavior. Well, there are two easy patterns: 1) eating/drinking crap and 2) beating myself up about it (or whatever else I can invent to beat myself up about).  What's funny is that it's so easy for me to see how destructive this self-cruelty is for other people. I can tell people it's silly to be so hard on themselves. The important thing is to just move on, move forward. But I am the world's only True Failure (tm), so I deserve it. Nice.

Anyway. It did occur to me mid-self-sabotaging that a narcissist--like the textbook one I had to deal with this week--probably never has to deal with this kind of emotion. There's a certain appeal to that, but I also realize that while both extremes are unhealthy, I'll take my extreme. My extreme at least doesn't hurt anyone but myself, while a narcissist leaves havoc in her/his wake. So I've got that going for me. Which is nice.

My goal for this week, though, is to be a little more in line with the narcissist. I will be healthier in my choices, but also I will think well of myself even when I make a bad decision in the midst of a social setting...or even an at-home setting. A few bad decisions do not counter all the good ones I make (or made over the course of the week after the omelet debacle of Monday afternoon). I'm still a good person and a healthy person! I'm worthy of self-respect. If I can't connect physical health with mental health, then I'm doomed to failure. So we all are. So be nice to yourselves, too! Make good decisions, but don't be mean just because you make a bad one now and then!

Happy new week!

Slippery Slope

Something just happened that caused me a significant level of anxiety. I went from confident and positive about the semester to angry and pessimistic in about ten minutes. Mood swings are not a new phenomenon for me, but this one was swift and sudden even by my standards.

The problem is not just the situation but my response to it. A little while after the initial confrontation, I went to talk about it with a few others. There was a bowl of crappy candy on a desk. Candy that doesn't appeal to my tastes. I ate a bunch of pieces out of sheer stress and frustration. I couldn't stop.

I went back to my office and fumed some more. Ended up eating a thing of oatmeal even though I wasn't hungry. Sure, it's healthy (or at least healthier than the candy), but I ate it out of stress.

I came home and ate more than I wanted. Felt full. Ate dessert that I didn't have the points for. Went and did some reading. Ate some popcorn. Felt stuffed. Drank a second pop for the evening--something I normally would not do.

This is not okay. Not. Okay. I'm lucky that most of the food in my house is moderately healthy or else I would have been in a much worse place right now. And I'm lucky I was able to stop myself because, emotionally, I currently want nothing more than to gorge some more. I'm refusing to let myself go any further with it. I have to stop this behavior pattern because it's a slippery slope from justifying overeating on a bad day to justifying it on a moderately annoying day, to just plain justifying it.

I have to learn that a good response is a healthy response. If that's not exercise, then it needs to be something else: reading for pleasure instead of work, some quiet deep breathing in the dark, watching a little TV. No matter what, I need to focus on reminding myself how overeating will only lead to another kind of stress if I start gaining the weight back.

Lastly, I need to remind myself that no negative person or event deserves the power to destroy all my hard work and the progress that's resulted from it. Overeating is surrendering that power to the negativity, and that is so not happening.

Oh, the Intertubes

I was doing one of those spaced-out Internet rambles the other day and came across one of the recent Snack Girl entries about Newman's Own microwave popcorn. There was a link to another popcorn entry for homemade microwave popcorn.  In general, I stay away from microwave popcorn bags because I've heard they have lots of nasty chemicals in them, not to mention they are loaded with oil and other fatty, butter-like substances most of the time. The problem is, I didn't know how else to make it. (Stove top? How?!? I'm too modern for that.)

Growing up, we had one of those big plastic things that you stuck in the microwave with the popcorn and oil, but who needs a big bulky thing like that...or all that oil? We would also occasionally get those packs in foil that you cooked on the stove, but I can't imagine (if they still make them) that those are any better for you than the microwave bag kind. So, basically I stopped eating popcorn, even though I know it's a whole-grain food that's pretty decent for you on its own.

But Snack Girl has rescued me from my popcorn drought! She taught me I can make microwave bagged popcorn in an all-natural, healthy way! All you need is a brown lunch bag, some tape and some popcorn! I tried it last night with 1/4 cup of popcorn. I cooked it for two minutes which is a little bit too long--some slight burning occurred. I'll try again tonight with a little less time. Once it was done, I decided to add some cajun seasoning, which I regretted because it made me sneeze. So tonight I'll just add some salt, maybe even some Brummel and Brown for buttery goodness. If you make 1/4 cup unpopped corn, it makes a nice big bowl full, and it's only 2 pts (plus whatever you add to it). That amount has 5 g of fiber in it, which is really good.

I highly recommend this as a cheap and easy alternative to the processed bags you buy at the store! Thank goodness for the Internet and its magical ability to make healthy eating possible.

Aesthetics and Food

I spent all of June in Ireland, teaching for my university and traveling around with a friend and my mom. It was a great experience, in part because Ireland is such a visually powerful place. The colors--not just greens--are so lovely and lush. But it wasn't just the colors of the scenery that appealed to my friend, Jennifer, who came to travel with me there.

Jennifer helped make me more profoundly aware of the visual element of food. We would walk past pastry shops, fruit and vegetable stands, and we ate in restaurants every day. It seemed like at least once every day Jennifer would say, in rapturous tones, "Oh! Look at this food! It's so beautiful!!" And then she'd snap a picture of it. And then she'd admire it some more before eating it or walking on. While I've sometimes admired how delicious or creative or pretty a food looked, I had not really ever taken the time to admire the natural or created beauty of the foods that surround my life.

Before hanging out with Jennifer, I certainly never bothered with making things look good on my plate. My general practice was to slop food from the pan to the plate. Insert the food into my pie hole. Chew. Swallow. Done. What's more, I had never really noticed the slapdash presentation of foods at your average chain restaurant...such as the dull presentation of my omelet yesterday. No care went into making it, and no care went into serving it on my plate.

You know what else? No care went into eating it, either. Just gorging, unlike all those meals I ate in Ireland with Jennifer where I took time to look at it because she took time to look at hers. I found myself appreciating the flavors, the colors, and the organization of my meals there because it was brought to my attention. Even at home, I can't help now but notice the colors and the careful arrangement and embellishment of my food. And, believe it or not, all of that makes me enjoy and appreciate so much more the beauty of eating, of being nourished. Of the luxury of having enough to eat--and enough nutritious food to eat. I'm in the minority there, on a world scale.

I don't think it's any coincidence that the foods that are best for us are often more colorful than are the unhealthy foods. Fruits and vegetables come in all kinds of crazy reds, purples, yellows, greens, oranges, and blues. Processed foods are often dull and brown and sometimes alarmingly fluorescent (hello, Cheetos). It's also no coincidence that I enjoy food when I take more time to think about it. For one thing, it makes me slow down instead of inhale. For another, it makes me think about the correlation of color and taste. I try to remember that colors have tastes when it comes to food (not so much for paint, though. Haha.). The times when I'm best at reflecting on this while I eat are the times I'm most satisfied at the end of the meal.

Jennifer has taught me the power of the eyes, and that our eyes don't have to be bigger than our stomachs. They can actually be the safeguard for our stomachs.

Oopsy daisies.

It's possible I may have gone off the deep end when my parents were here: brats, ice cream, omelet, pancakes...

After lunch at Perkins today, I came home and looked up point values. Uh-huh. I ate more than a day's worth of points. In one meal. A very tasty meal, to be sure. So. Looks like vegetables for dinner!!

I realized as I was ordering that I was making poor decisions. (Pancakes with an omelet? Really, Dena? Really?) I did not realize just how bad, though, till I got home. They must inject each item with pure lard or something. I don't know. Stupid Perkins. It just highlights the importance of planning ahead and thinking things through...and assuming it's worse than you think it is.

Whatever. As I told my mom, I have not had a pancake since the spring, I've continued to lose weight slightly since hitting my goal so I have some wiggle room, and lastly I can't live my life being a nutritional angel every stinking day.

Not to mention that the miserable, overstuffed feeling I've been dealing with since I finished it (four hours ago) is sufficient punishment without the internal verbal abuse I could inflict upon myself.

So, onward and upward. Or downward in weight terms.

Those pesky restaurants

As I've said, I mostly eat at home these days and only go out when company is here or when there's something going on with friends. I like going out, but I am increasingly frustrated when restaurants have few options to help make it all easier to stay on track.

For example, it drives me nuts that you so often have to pay extra to get a salad (healthy, if done right) instead of fries (no hope there). Lettuce is cheap, so what gives? I suppose it's partly that lettuce doesn't stay good as long as those frozen fries, but that's no excuse. I think it should more often be a free substitution to help health-conscious consumers.

When I go out, I have buzz words to look for to indicate danger. Obviously, batter is out, along with it's buddies fried and breaded. Blackened is generally a problem (a delicious, delicious problem), cream sauce is a source of terror, and cheesy is probably something best to avoid. Rich and/or decadent often imply buttery and fat-ladened. Sauce is something to be wary of till you know the details. Smothered is a word best avoided food-wise and otherwise.  Etc. Beyond those, though, restaurants can be sneaky in making things sound healthy that aren't and in adding crap to things that should be healthy. For example, rumor has it that Outback Steakhouse (and others) coat their lettuce in butter to make it look and taste better. So that nice salad you had to balance the steak....not so much a balance.

If you're heading to a restaurant, what to do, then? How can you go in making good decisions?  There are a few web-based ways to find out.

1) I mentioned early on about Dottie's Weight Loss Zone, which has WW points for foods from tons of restaurants. Sometimes it's a little out of date, but it definitely gives you a good idea of what you're getting into.

2) Last night, a friend told me about another site called Healthy Dining Finder that offers the healthy--or at least, healthier--choices at national chain restaurants. You can enter the restaurant's name or you can look for restaurants in your area that are listed.  It's pretty cool, and even helps you figure out how to special order things to make them better for you.

3) You can also just Google the name of the restaurant and food you want to eat (or what you already ate). Most restaurants have some basic nutrition information out there, or at least there are other sites that have compiled the specifics.  A lot of times when I do that, one of the easiest sites to use is The Daily Plate. However, there are others that will show up. It's best to be a little selective here, as there's no way to know how accurate these places are. It's just a nice rough guide.

4) If you know in advance where you're going, the restaurant site might have some information on their healthier options. Sometimes menus themselves have little labels of healthy choices, too, but I like to look stuff up in advance if I can.

One of the great things about many of the local restaurants where I live is they work with a local hospital nutritionist to offer healthy options. The program is called The 500 Club, and the nutritionist helps area restaurants develop menu items that fit their theme (e.g., steakhouse, diner, Italian) that are 500 calories or fewer and fewer than 15 g of fat. It's so great because the meals are balanced and delicious, but not over the top. At one place, I get the chicken and marinara pasta with a salad, a roll, and (AND!!!!) frozen yogurt for dessert. It definitely encourages people to eat local. You might look up similar programs in your area or inquire about how to get one started with your local medical center.

The reason I'm thinking about this today is because my parents are on their way here, and I have a feeling we'll be eating out...I'm trying to figure out how to indulge without overindulging. We'll see how it goes.

Supermarket Sweep

The other day I was at the grocery store, feeling like a little stroll through the aisles. My trips to the supermarket have changed quite a bit since last October. There are now aisles that I never even bother going down because it's all overly processed, fatty junk. I start in the produce and spend a fair amount of time there looking for bargains and good quality.  Then I go down the dressings aisle, looking for healthy alternatives for salads and vegetables. Go through the canned fruit, if I feel the need, pasta and pasta sauce aisle, organic/health food aisle, frozen fruits and vegetables, frozen soy burgers, dairy and tortilla aisle. Done. Oh, and once in awhile, the pop aisle. :)

Anyway, on Monday, I went to the store I go to less often. I just wanted to see what they had that I might have been missing, so I walked down more aisles than usual. I found a couple of new things I thought I'd mention.

First off, I went down the organic aisle and found another kind of natural, no-additives yogurt called Seven Stars. My only gripe with Cultural Revolution (which I mentioned earlier) is that my co-op doesn't sell the low-fat in plain, only vanilla. I can get the low-fat plain in Seven Stars, and the price is comparable, so I tried it. It's fantastic! Just like European yogurt--thinner consistency, similar tartness. Yum. It's made in Pennsylvania, so if I can get it in La Crosse, you can probably get it wherever you are--more likely than Cultural Revolution anyway. You might look in your organic aisle next time you're there.

Then there was a little collection of sale items and I found two items that I've fallen in love with.  The first is instant steel-cut (aka Irish) oats by McCann's. I said before that this kind of oatmeal is healthier than regular, but they take 20-25 minutes to cook. This instant stuff takes just a couple of minutes. The taste isn't as fresh and good, but they're still really good. I took them to work for any unexpected hunger surges. I brought in some cinnamon to sweeten them naturally, and I keep raisins at work all the time, which works great with them as well. On Tuesday or Wednesday I got really hungry, so I made myself a bowl, and it completely satisfied me for four points (with oats, cinnamon and raisins).

I also found some new stir fry sauce: Wasabi Teriyaki. Holy flippin' crap, it is GOOD. I used it with some of that broccoli slaw and vegetables, and it was the best dinner I've had in awhile. Then the next night, I decided to try a little bit for a salad dressing. Also excellent. It's not super low cal, but it's not terrible. I think 1/4 cup is a point or two, so that's reasonable. As a salad dressing, you would use just a little, so then it's really no big deal. It's spicy and sweet and delicious...try it!

So there are a few new ideas of things to look for.

On a final note, last night my friend gave me a little coconut cream pie tart. She was kind enough, not only to buy it for me, but also to express concern that I might not want it because it's bad for me. However, I chose to eat it without guilt. Totally worth it. It's just a reminder that even though I'm a healthy eater now, I can still enjoy decadence from time to time. I have learned to see food as fuel rather than simple pleasure, but I still want the pleasurable stuff to be a part of my life and a part of my health plan!

Body Changes

All my life, I have been a night person. I hated getting up early. Seven am was the earliest I could get up without too much complaining. Eleven pm was the earliest I could go to bed without complaining. I always knew my ideal schedule would be staying up till 2 or 3 am and getting up at 10 or 11. Alas, most of the world doesn't operate on that kind of schedule, and frankly neither should our bodies.

What I've noticed this summer, however, is that I was always awake by 8am and usually ready for bed by 11 or 11:30. Part of this was a decision not to let myself get too out of whack for fall semester, but it wasn't even work. I never set my alarm; I just woke up at 7:30 or 8, and as soon as I became conscious, I was ready to get up and start the day instead of laying around for another hour or so as I would have last summer.

What's more, I found myself wanting to do things...active things. I wanted to clean my house, keep my kitchen organized, restructure my closet. I didn't want to sit still for very long. I swear, my house has never looked so organized. My parents will probably crap themselves when they see it this weekend.

Then, most surprising of all, is that I was thinking about my semester schedule, and how I wanted to structure my research and grading time. I found myself considering the option of getting up earlier than necessary to do some work before my first class. I started out thinking 6:30, so I started this week getting up then. It worked a treat. I was awake and alert at 6:30. Last night I thought, "Well, why not try 6?" The alarm went off at 6 this morning and off I went, not a complaint in the world. I went to bed at 11 last night, no problem. Will I go even earlier? Who knows?!?

The only way I can account for this madness is that I am healthy for the first time in my adult life (maybe life in general). I am eating food that gives me energy rather than merely satisfying my taste buds at the expense of my well being. I am drinking fluids that replenish my cells rather than dehydrating and overly caffeinating them. I regularly move my body with exercise, which provides energy instead of depleting it. Maybe it's not so much that I was a natural night owl before as it is that my body was completely out of whack on a holistic level. Now my body is home to itself. It is what it was meant to be.

This is the sort of thing I heard and never believed possible before, but here I am...it's nearly noon and I've been up (happily) for six hours. And I just finished a bunch of carrots and broccoli for my first course for lunch. Lesson: learned.

You definitely don't want fries with that.

Things are starting to hop now for the upcoming (imminent) fall semester. I'm excited, a little overwhelmed, and planning how I'll incorporate exercise and diet into the new schedule. It's going to be hard, but I think I'm going to work really hard to become a morning person. I just hate having to work evenings so much, so maybe if I get up early and work, I can then have evenings freer to work out and relax. Right?  We'll see!

I have some things to write at you about, but I think today I'm just going to post a video...hey, I do this in the classroom sometimes when I'm busy and overwhelmed, so why not on my blog as well? I first saw this when my cousin's wife posted it on her Facebook wall, so if you're my FB friend, it's a repeat (sorry), but one well worth repeating here. If you're interested in fast food, you'll definitely want to pay attention. I believe the occasional trip out for a quick meal is probably not the biggest deal ever, but to regularly consume this stuff seems to me to be a world of problems all rolled into a $5 meal.

McDonald's Ages Better than You Do

Enjoy.

Mo' Pumpkin, Mo' Bettah

Last night, I was yearning for a nighttime snack, but I didn't want to have anything too caloric. What to do? What to do? I opened the fridge and saw that container full of pumpkin that I had opened for my oatmeal last week. I thought about how that would go bad if I didn't find other uses for it. I didn't have the stuff to try that modified Snack Girl recipe from yesterday.

But I did have English muffins (the 1pt kind, no less). I wondered what that pumpkin would be like as a toast spread. So, of course, I tried it. I toasted the English muffin in the toaster oven, and got out the cinnamon and honey to sweeten the pumpkin (it's a little dull all on its own). Once the muffin was ready, I decided it was best to only try it on one half till I knew I liked it.  I slathered on a good amount of pumpkin, then sprinkled cinnamon and drizzled honey. Ate.

Happy.

It's really good! It's kind of like a mini pumpkin pie, only not filled with calories.

I have a long day ahead, so I decided to treat myself by having it again for breakfast (on a bagel) and a peach. That's a 2pt breakfast that's delicious, healthy, and filling. Who could ask for more?

Another squash connection: A friend pointed me to a site with more spaghetti squash recipes. I hope to try these when I'm home some evening soon.  http://www.delish.com/recipes/cooking-recipes/spaghetti-squash?src=rss. If you try one, let me know how it goes.