Take a Deep Breath

My scale indicates I'm up a few pounds. It has indicated this for several days in a row, so I am thinking it's not a fluke. This corresponds to a slight slackening in my attention to detail on my diet. There have been several social events lately and when I was gone for a chunk of the weekend I was not careful at all.

The decision, now, is what to do about it? This is new territory. Do I give it a few more days to see if it's just some kind of body fluke (or my impending period, to offer up a TMI)? Do I start some kind of process to lose the two pounds? How many pounds do I gain before I make it an official loss plan? Is two pounds too few? Am I being paranoid or is losing the two pounds part of the idea of nipping it in the bud?

Furthermore, how do I not let this thought process and fear rule my life and my willingness to be social? I ask because I now find myself frustrated at being invited to go out with friends because I know it will lead to overeating. But that's stupid because I'm ultimately in control...but then we often go places that have a Wisconsin-style healthy menu, which means there often are no healthy choices at all. And then there's the subtle pressure to "just have one," which adds up to two or three. But that's crap, too. I can say no because A) I'm an adult and B) it's not like my friends will hate me or judge me if I say no emphatically enough. So am I using social stuff as an excuse? Am I letting myself lose my own sense of power and control by making social activities a kind of scapegoat?

See what I mean? It's hard! I want to have fun, I want to be social, I want to eat those onion rings. But I don't want to gain my weight back. But I don't want to be so obsessive about my weight that it becomes a burden. But if I slack a little, it will become easy to slack a lot. But if I can't have a little slack, I'm going to go off the deep end.

Argh.

This isn't easy. Even now that I'm used to my new lifestyle, the allure of my old one lingers, nagging and complicated.